So, hey baby...you..uh'fly here often? *hick!*

The graphic above is from the Safety Card of an Airbus 320.

I finally succumbed to the urge to actually read one of these things and the picture above just cracked me up.

If you've flown at all, chances are good you've experienced, "Drunk-on-the-airplane-guy" before and the good people at Aero Safety Graphics have him NAILED.

He's been pounding Hot Wings and Miller Lite for 6 hours, waiting for his delayed flight and now, he's talking to imaginary sales contacts.

"Ya'know...our XL490 series blows the ASS...blows the ASS!...off HP's whole g-damned server archite-ture...ya'know?! Ya'KNOW?!"

The tie is perfect, too.

Thank you to Susan - the courteous flight attendant for letting me walk off the plane with this little gem.

Bling Bling, Ka-ching, Ka-ching.

The graphic above is a poster that accompanied a "Bratz™" toy doll - a doll marketed towards girls aged 6-10. According to the Bratz™ official website, the Bratz™ girls have a, "...passion for fashion.™"

Having a more than passing interest in marketing, I decided to do a little research on Bratz.™ According to Delia Bourne - Marketing Manager for "toy giant Hamley's", "We find Barbie is popular with girls under six, whereas Bratz are dolls with attitude that children of today aspire to."1

Read that again -

"...attitude that children of today aspire to."

Read that again -

"...attitude that children of today aspire to."

Read that again -

"...attitude that children of today aspire to."


Oh...read that again. One more time for old-time's sake:

Read that again -

"...attitude that children of today aspire to."


So, children of today aspire to turning themselves into sexual fishing lures?!


It goes back to that quote from Ole'Hitler - "If you tell a lie often enough, people will believe it to be true."

If you believe that Bratz™ are what kids want "nowadays," then soon enough, some snake-minded marketer will cram it down our throats...and vice versa.


Girls, put the dolls down and go outside and play in the fresh air.



1.) SOURCE: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=370946&in_page_id=1766&ito=1490

"Hey Ahmed...bring some'more Mr. Clean when ya get off break, 'k?"

The photo above is from a Foxnews story on some alleged cases of "Bird Flu" in Turkey.

The caption reads: "An Iranian man disinfects Turkish trucks..."

Maybe I'm just a typical obsessive-compulsive American, but if that's "disinfecting," then we can probably also call the practice of letting pets lick dirty dinner plates clean, "doing dishes."

In other words, that poor dude ain't disinfectin' nuthin'.

Thanks to the valiant efforts of the Turks, we can expect a world-wide Bird Flu to be delayed by at least 2 days.*




*FYI - the writer of this blog remembers Swine Flu of the 70's and takes this whole Flu-thing with basketball-sized grains of salt.

The universal language of "WTH?!?"

These illustrations were found inside an Ikea furniture manual. For the uninformed, Ikea is the "cool but cheap" Swedish decor/furniture GIGANT.

Nevertheless, this little graphic greets customers - and, as incomprehensible as Swedish is as a language, they sure know how to communicate beyond the language barrier.

Check the lower left hand graphic of the little mutant guy - who hasn't had THAT expression before?!? The illustrator nailed it! However, it's rather improbable that someone who's confused by Ikea's ultra-simple assembly would be able to operate a more complicated machine like a telephone. In fact, notice how the telephone cord is wrapped around the mutant-guy's body - in the words of my bucktoothed sister from Arkansas, "He'a dumb, dumb feller!"

Also, check the middle left guy - he foolishly attempted to build his Ikea "thing" without a rug and bunged the corner up. In case you've ever done the same and wondered how it looked to an observer, now you know. You look like that - the same look that you had when you were 3 years old and peed your pants on the playground.

The top left/right illustrations are rather puzzling, however - I take it you're not supposed to use your trapezoid as an air-guitar?

Anyway, a salute to Ikea for managing to retain the simplistic charm of their products throughout their brand material.

Do graphic designers think Ellen Degeneres is full of hot air?!

When a graphic designer gets to the point where they're working on national mags like Redbook, they're professionals who don't miss a note.

Thumbing through my sister's January '06 edition, it was a surprise to see a photo-graphic that appears to show Ellen Degeneres making notes of her own. Oh, they're tasteful notes - not like a "Braaa-ap!" or "Blluuurpht!" or "Blububububub."

Nope. Ellen Degeneres doesn't make those kind of noises - especially wearing white. Ellen's a "Psst!" girl - like my sister used to pull on long car trips...silent, but deadly.

Anyway, it kinda makes ya'wonder if someone isn't making a statement. If so, and I were Ellen, I'd think it stunk.

The above picture is a screen-capture from a FoxNews advertisement for GMC.

Notice the copy - "The price on our tag is the price you pay. Not a penny more."

Isn't it fascinating that the price on the tag is the price you pay and not a penny more?

If you're not as fascinated by this statement as I am, say it aloud - "The price I pay is the price on the sticker. Not a penny more."

Wow.

In other words...

"Our product line is so boring, so crummy, that we're trying "ethics" as a tactic."

If you treat customers like idiots, you'll end up with idiots for customers.


Marketers are ruining the American car industry and that is very sad.

BoredRoom Bogus - if it's this bad, you might as well make a game out of it!

A long time ago, a friend of mine had a client that was so steeped in jargon, they'd nearly created their own language. It was somehow gratifying to listen to - it sounded important and confident - lot's of action and decisive-sounding words like "stragization" and "conceptize." Unfortunately, it was incomprehsible and utterly meaningless.

Kind of like listening to a fancy-shmancy French opera only to find out later, the actors were singing the ingredients of soup labels. Who knew?!

Anyway, one of their old employees looked me up and in the course of our reminiscing, I came up with this game.

Click on the pictures for a higher-rez pic that you can download and print out. Then, play-away at your next Bored Meeting!

Merry Christmas!

Validate Me. Please.

A week or so, this ad popped up in Newsweek. It's a double-page ad from American Express touting their new card-product that deposits money into a savings acount every time the holder spends.

This ad illustrates the advertisers perspective on their customers - they are unable to control their lives.

Marketing-wise, the product is a dumb idea, but that's not the point of this post. This is about something dumber - the ad itself.

Poor mother - she wants to buy her kid everything he wants, but somehow can't. Perhaps she's not celebrity-rich. Perhaps she's a bad mother. Perhaps that damnable house payment is spoiling the fun.

And then there's the kid. He won't save. He just won't SAVE! Meds won't work...and there's that unstoppable force called TV...he'll die - yes, die - if he doesn't have all that glorious, life-giving "stuff."

This is called "Learned Helplessness" and its a tactic taught by advertisers world-wide. It's wrong, it's uncreative and it's harmful.

Notice the copy assumes the mother has no options. NO OPTIONS. The only solution is the Amex Card - which, ironically, will not teach her son to save, nor will it get her everything her son sees on television.

I hate this kind of junior-grade copy/creative and so should you.

Amex could have had an effective ad with a completely different take on the card. Since the "savings" is really the same rebate-crapola that Discover™ pioneered 15 years ago, call it what it is and tout the benefits:

How about this -

"Finally, a credit card that saves money. Literally!"

"Instead of racking up points, how about racking up dollars?"

or

"I just opened a savings account for my son while I was buying his school-clothes."


(sigh)

In the meantime, tell the kid to get a job.

PeTA - The Meat & Bones under their Fruit & Nuts

PeTA are to be respected for their marketing genius - they're patient, clever and have a sound grasp of human nature. I remember handling the PR for a State-sponsored Fair when PeTA threatened to visit the sheep exhibits and splash red paint on the prize-winning animals. I can still remember the clatter of metaphorical pitchforks as the farmers and producers rattled their teeth in rage.

"Why, just let me get my hands on their tree-huggin' necks and I'll..." Silly farmers, hunters, and whoever else lets PeTA get under their skin...if the graphic above enrages you, it's simply doing its job.

The cartoon is not meant to convince kids, but to polarize adults. Once lines are drawn, the decision-making process for either side is rather simple - PeTA does nothing more than get people to love or hate them.

"Love or Hate" is an effective business model and it works in religion, politics and promoting social issues.

It's a case of "Three steps forward, two steps back" - a steady desensitization or marketing of a message until it (or a form of it) is acceptable.

PeTA will never "win" and they know that. But their donor base will be loyal, fervent and as a group, long-lived.

Solid work, PeTA!

In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! We're having Turkey, Ham, Stuffed Flounder and on Friday....STEAKS!

Yum!

Break-back Marketing

Hollwood exploits to make a buck. This time, they're exploiting women AND guys at the same time. This time, it's called "Brokeback Mountain." It's about two gay cowboys in Wyoming and it's virulently anti-male. It's a chick-flick man-hater film from the get-go.

And judging by the trailer alone, it's brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. It's like selling touch-less faucets and anti-bacterial spray to the Obsessive-Compulsive. It's like calling a candy "fart" and selling it to 9 year olds boys. It's like putting the Viagra logo on a stock car. It's like...brilliant.


How do we know? (gong sound) Truth is in the marketing, young grasshopper!

The picture above are two stills taken from the Brokeback Mountain trailer and they're all the clues we need.

First - the shirt. Heath Ledger hugs the blue denim shirt left behind by his "buddy", Jake Glynwhatever. STRAIGHT GUYS DO NOT HUG SHIRTS. GAY GUYS DO NOT HUG DENIM. Who hugs clothing? WOMEN HUG CLOTHING. Women hug their clothes. Women covet their clothes. Women share their clothes. Women marry for clothes. Women steal clothes. Women wear clothes once, then pay $200 to put them in hermetically sealed boxes.

WOMEN HUG CLOTHES. Guys do not hug clothes.

Second - the scene where "some actress" says to her gay cowboy husband, "You're not up on that mountain fishin!". ALL GUYS HATE IT WHEN THEIR "WOMEN" COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR ACTIVITIES.

Who hates fishing? WOMEN HATE FISHING... FOOTBALL... HUNTING... MAKING RADIO CONTROL AIRPLANES... WORKING ON THE 1969 Nova SS AND THE BLOWN 396... Women have been dying for a killer rejoinder to every man who ever said, "Hey hon, this Friday, me'n Gary'n Keith and Wilson are goin' (fishing, hunting, drinking, working on the car, etc.).

From here on out, when ANY guy wants to go do "X" with his buddies, all his "woman" will have to say is, "You're not going there to fish!" and BAM! The guy will reply, "Huh?! You're not - you're not thinkin'...NO WAY!" And next thing you know it, those wonderful Brookies are swimming safe while the guy is sweeping the garage, eyeing his fly-rod and muttering obscenities under his breath.

Men, do not let your women near this movie. It's a Trojan Horse wearing a dress.

And there IS something wrong with that.