Monday, November 07, 2005

Break-back Marketing

Hollwood exploits to make a buck. This time, they're exploiting women AND guys at the same time. This time, it's called "Brokeback Mountain." It's about two gay cowboys in Wyoming and it's virulently anti-male. It's a chick-flick man-hater film from the get-go.

And judging by the trailer alone, it's brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. It's like selling touch-less faucets and anti-bacterial spray to the Obsessive-Compulsive. It's like calling a candy "fart" and selling it to 9 year olds boys. It's like putting the Viagra logo on a stock car. It's like...brilliant.

How do we know? (gong sound) Truth is in the marketing, young grasshopper!

The picture above are two stills taken from the Brokeback Mountain trailer and they're all the clues we need.

First - the shirt. Heath Ledger hugs the blue denim shirt left behind by his "buddy", Jake Glynwhatever. STRAIGHT GUYS DO NOT HUG SHIRTS. GAY GUYS DO NOT HUG DENIM. Who hugs clothing? WOMEN HUG CLOTHING. Women hug their clothes. Women covet their clothes. Women share their clothes. Women marry for clothes. Women steal clothes. Women wear clothes once, then pay $200 to put them in hermetically sealed boxes.

WOMEN HUG CLOTHES. Guys do not hug clothes.

Second - the scene where "some actress" says to her gay cowboy husband, "You're not up on that mountain fishin!". ALL GUYS HATE IT WHEN THEIR "WOMEN" COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR ACTIVITIES.

Who hates fishing? WOMEN HATE FISHING... FOOTBALL... HUNTING... MAKING RADIO CONTROL AIRPLANES... WORKING ON THE 1969 Nova SS AND THE BLOWN 396... Women have been dying for a killer rejoinder to every man who ever said, "Hey hon, this Friday, me'n Gary'n Keith and Wilson are goin' (fishing, hunting, drinking, working on the car, etc.).

From here on out, when ANY guy wants to go do "X" with his buddies, all his "woman" will have to say is, "You're not going there to fish!" and BAM! The guy will reply, "Huh?! You're not - you're not thinkin'...NO WAY!" And next thing you know it, those wonderful Brookies are swimming safe while the guy is sweeping the garage, eyeing his fly-rod and muttering obscenities under his breath.

Men, do not let your women near this movie. It's a Trojan Horse wearing a dress.

And there IS something wrong with that.