Saturday, May 19, 2012


Gawd, I live in a box.  And I'm so grateful.

Two days ago, sitting in the MSP Westin, my TV-deprived kids found this.

"Daddy?!  Is this why we're home schooled?!"


I'm happy to say, I once was blissfully unaware of "Sweet Genius" from The Food Network.

Now?  I'm scarred for life.  Bald gay guys with undeterminable accents freaked "The Fam" totally out... my 6 year old remains attached to the headliner of our minivan, held against gravity by the clenched grip of her little fingers...


I don't care if he's bald.

I don't care if he's gay.

I don't care if he can't speak in proper Minnesotan.

What I DO CARE about is the way he dismisses his minions to create "Sweet Genius!" food items via  ridiculous props (a conveyor belt and a big-red button?) and stupifying commands.  "Darkness!"

"You will use...mahshmallooos...und.... bacon fat!  And yo'ah eensparayshun?!  Eet iss... A HAMMER!"

I call BS.  For the past ten years, my wife has been blowing this poor goofball AWAY by making dinner out of stuff like American cheese, used green tea bags, 85% hamburger and saltines.

Her "eensparashun?!"   The fifteen minutes between finished-with-homework and dance-class-and-cub-scouts.

Reality TV sucks.

Sunday, May 06, 2012

HyVee Hexagons. Cutting...corners??

The picture above is from HyVee, a regional grocery powerhouse.  It's their house brand of Geometric gobbles - "Crispy Hexagons."

Back in the day, when companies were fat & rich,  "Marketing" and Intellectual Property (IP) attorneys lived large.  Names like Cheerios®, Kix® and Post Toasties® melded mouth and market-share.

Today however, money is tight.  Brand building takes time.  And everyone knows, all the really GOOD names (like music) were minted in the '60s.  Except Boo Berry®.

Anyway, I'm not holding my breath that anyone anywhere is saying, "Ya know what's just as good as Crispix® but fifty cents cheaper?  Hexagons.  The crispy ones..."

Or in my house, "Mah-oOOm, Kelsey ate all the HEXAGONS!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"I hate Hexagons!"

"That's why you're stupid in Math!"

"Mah-oOOM! Paul's being mean!"

Oh - note to Art used an OCTAGONAL bowl!  Psssh.

I'm sooo looking forward for corporate profits again.