Gawd, I live in a box. And I'm so grateful.
Two days ago, sitting in the MSP Westin, my TV-deprived kids found this.
"Daddy?! Is this why we're home schooled?!"
I'm happy to say, I once was blissfully unaware of "Sweet Genius" from The Food Network.
Now? I'm scarred for life. Bald gay guys with undeterminable accents freaked "The Fam" totally out... my 6 year old remains attached to the headliner of our minivan, held against gravity by the clenched grip of her little fingers...
I don't care if he's bald.
I don't care if he's gay.
I don't care if he can't speak in proper Minnesotan.
What I DO CARE about is the way he dismisses his minions to create "Sweet Genius!" food items via ridiculous props (a conveyor belt and a big-red button?) and stupifying commands. "Darkness!"
"You will use...mahshmallooos...und.... bacon fat! And yo'ah eensparayshun?! Eet iss... A HAMMER!"
I call BS. For the past ten years, my wife has been blowing this poor goofball AWAY by making dinner out of stuff like American cheese, used green tea bags, 85% hamburger and saltines.
Her "eensparashun?!" The fifteen minutes between finished-with-homework and dance-class-and-cub-scouts.
Reality TV sucks.