Monday, October 31, 2005



Dangit, but this thing is cool! It's wholly useless and dumber than picking your nose with a screwdriver on a bumpy bus...but in our world of war, famine, celebrities and pavement-bound SUVs, the OCTODOG is pure, pleasurable pointlessness.

In case you don't "get it" by clicking on the photo and headline link, the Octodog maker is a plastic device that changes a hotdog into an edible octopus-shaped "thing."

According the website, it does it SAFETLY. Evidently, people have been making Octodogs at their own peril for some time now... thank goodness for innovation.

Anyway, peace, love and Octodogs.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Born from JETS! JETS! See?!? SAAB's are like mini JETS! Don't you get it?!

SAABs are least the SAABs of fame like the 900, the Sonnet and the 9000 Turbo. SAAB made fighter planes in WWII and pioneered aircraft technology (yes, jets!) and performed so well that the rest of the aeronautical world muttered, "How the...did they do that?!" But now, SAAB is a sob story in the automotive world.

Fast forward to the 90's when GM bought SAAB. Why did GM buy SAAB? I don't know. But that's not important right now because RIGHT NOW, SAAB is sucking to the point of some $500 million dollars on GM's bank account.

The real question is "Why is SAAB sobbing?!"

A. SAAB was founded on cutting edge technology.
B. SAAB made a market niche on "unique" (remember their funky styling?).
C. SAAB also did the difficult-thing of sharing Volvo's niche of "safety."

Now, SAAB is owned by GM and uses GM and Subaru technology - good, but off-the-shelf. It's styling is no longer distinctive and "safety" is no where near their public image any more.

The "Born from jets" is supposed to awaken us to SAAB's heritage - but where's the Jet-like technology? Where is the unique styling (Hello, GM...Chrysler is all over you on this). Where is the discussion of safety?

Instead, "Born from jets" brings up images of something blown through the birth-canal of a red-hot afterburner - I can see molten metal sprayed out like baby poop...

"Born from Jets" is going to fail. Using a heritage as a sell-job is always a last-ditch defense but even more so when the heritage bears no resemblance to the offspring.

It's too bad - SAABs used to be so cool...back when they actually made jets.

Monday, October 24, 2005

The Emperor is naked no longer.

Remember the story, "The Emperor's New Clothes"?

No? It's about a rich, dumb king who's vanity requires having the best, most exclusive clothing. He's duped into going naked by two crooked (lazy, dishonest) tailors who charge him a lot of money for nothing. The king then parades his "new clothes" to his worshipful public who are too terrified or insecure to point out the king's absurd nudity.

In the end, a little boy is honest enough to call his bluff. The swindlers are fired and the King comes to his senses and covers up his (undoubtedly) icky nudity.

Advertising is like "clothing" - it is the visible representation of a company. All too often "Kings" (clients) are sold "clothing" (advertising) that appeals to their vanity rather than what is true, useful and desired by the customers.

It's very cool that McDonald's is addressing the issue of food quality. McDonald's has been "naked" (barfy food) for too long. But that doesn't mean they are a bad "king" - McDonald's are a remarkable food-distributor and their customers will appreciate a consistent-quality product that uses the miracle of mass-production to provide better prices.

Let's look forward to how the ad agencies (tailors) will convey McDonald's quality and value to its customers.