Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The blue screen of Dearth.

The above screenshot is from a CNN.com article on a Microsoft patent that enables "pay as you go" computing using low or no-cost computers.

Quirky idea - kind of like if iTunes made the vocal tracks of songs free but charged if you wanted the full version with instruments (Can you imagine listening to Nickleback - vocals only??  Heave...SPLAT!)

Can't wait to learn the Creative Strategy behind trying to sell a notorious software/operating system on a pay-per-use basis.  Might as well put a "Coin Return" slot on the side to mollify people waiting for refunds.

But, don't worry.  It won't happen.  At least while Microsoft has their A-Team of Word Manglers on the case.

"...requires more or less a one chance at the consumer kind of mentality, where elasticity curves are based on the pressure to maximize profits on a one-time-sale, one-shot-at-the-consumer mentality."

Sweet jimminy!  First, never trust anyone who uses the word "Granular" and the topic of conversation isn't about sand. 

Secondly, if Microsoft can't explain their concept without resorting to mind-bending jargon, do they think Joe Six-Pack will sit back ride their Elasticity Curve??

Microsoft's Communication Department needs a base-line, granular paradigm shift at the 100,000 ft. level.

Monday, December 29, 2008

In the spirit of giving.

The screenshot above is taken from Foxnews.com this morning - the point of attention is the "Thank You..." ad from Chrysler.

Realizing the current fashion of trashing the American car industry, the hubris of Chrysler's leadership is still noteworthy.  "Thank you America...for investing in Chrysler"!?!

Chrysler is a private company.  Any money given is not an investment, it's a prop.  There'll be no payout until the Management Culture is erased and replaced with one that values profit and quality.

So, in the spirit of GIVING, the ad's been rewritten to reflect the general American consumer's sentiment.


Click to enlarge.

Plus a few others for fun. :)

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Last restroom on the way to eternity...

The above graphic is a screenshot taken from the Hathaway Funeral Home chain. Evidently, the Hathaway Group shook hands with the Crapo Clan and a hyphen sealed the merger.

Aside from the obvious fertilizer for jokes, the name in this day and age is mystifying.  Didn't ANYONE speak up?!  

Maybe it's a marketing strategy - going for the segment of "distress" burials.  You know, people you don't like?

"Yeah.  We put that witch Aunt Matilda in Crapo...HA HA HA HA HA and GOOD RIDDANCE!"

I should contact the Hathaway's and get the scoop on why they kept such a goofy name, but I suspect they'd try to bury me with some line of B.S.  HA HA HA HA HA.

Some comedian out there just got 30 minutes of material.  "Honey, that new Crapo routine positively KILLED'EM last night!  They died laughing!"

"Great dear!  The Hathaway people called too - your commission check's at the front desk!"

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

GM. People building transportation. 1978

The GM television commercial above is circa 1978.  

Regardless of your opinion on whether tax money should be used to liquify the American car manufacturers, this spot provides a fascinating look at the world's auto giant just as its cresting the hill.

The tone of the spot is happy, go-lucky.  Buddies playing with tools, back-slappin', having a good time.  You get the impression that a smoking BBQ is just off camera and "Ned and Ellen" are dragging a steel cooler of beer along the concrete.  Foghat blaring on a portable 8-track - "Sloow riide...take it eeezay..."

But, while GM was making statements like, "We'll knock down engines for a bad paint job and that's no jive in that."  Honda, Mazda, Datsun, Toyota were building cars that defied the culture of planned obsolescence.   

It may be easy these days to take pot-shots at the American auto companies, but recognize their problems didn't start last month.  They started back in the days of truly bad hair.

Mind you, the leadership at GM expressed their vision of the industry with the statement, "People building transportation to serve people."  

Sweet jimminy!  I bet the wind around Detroit kicked up a few knots when they let that one out...could anything be any more lackluster?!   

The union workers were probably excellent folk who did their job to the best of their opportunity, their training and their leadership.  Too bad that half a world away, Honda, Toyota and Datsun were listening...

"If the customer has problems with that car, then we got problems because he's not going to be a General Motors customer again."

Ahhh...the '70s.  Cars that sucked, sweaters with more neck than sleave and bombs that "...killed people but left buildings standing."  

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Better than "Short Circuits" I guess.

The above graphic is a screen-shot of a telecom provider in Iowa.  Their company is called "Long Lines."

I remember waiting at the Verizon™ outlet for 90 minutes.  I thought THAT was a "Long Line." However, it's refreshing for a company to belly-up to the microphone and just say it - "You're going to be standing around a while."

Ok.  Did some research and the guy who founded the company's last name is Long.  And "Lines" harkens towards the day of telephone lines back before the Cell Phone revolution of...1991.

So, I guess if your name is Long and you want to get into the advanced, hyper-service world of 21st Century telecommunications, "Long Lines" is , well, cause for pause, at least.

Kind of like if I were a positive guy named Charles and I started a beer & buffet bar named, "UpChucks." 

Anyway, if they would have named themselves "Small Bills" I would have signed up.  Now.