Monday, February 27, 2006

He finally landed.

The graphic above is Robert Scott - pilot, ace and author of the book, "God is my Co-Pilot."

He was my hero...and if you're looking for a hero, you would do well to call him your hero, too.

The world is less, now.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

My Juicy Ass Needs Depends™

The graphic above is from a Victoria's Secret® banner-ad on Fox News.

Say what you will about the practice of printing words on buttocks, but the word "Juicy" doesn't belong there.

Think about it - you look at someone's ass and think, "Juicy"?!

"Juice" is a liquid - typically, an aromatic, ripe, liquid.

Aromatic, ripe liquids + ass = diarrhea

"Look at my ass! It's JUICY!" In other words, "Look at my ass! I haven't been this Juicy since I was 5 months old!"

Yeah, and you've probably got a fever of 103+ and you should be trying to keep that all-important fruit-juice from blowing out your orifices.

Sometimes, I wonder if one of these days, popular culture is going to take a big ol'enema.

Now that'd be Juicy.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Dove® Promises (part 2)

***If you work for Dove chocolates, read the post below this first. THIS post is for a handful of readers who were less-than-impressed with the "academic" nature of the critique against Dove's® goofy chocolate wrappers. They wanted dirt. And dirt is what they shall get.

That being stated...

The above graphic is a scan of four Dove® dark-chocolate wrappers. Inside each wrapper is a saying intended to illicit some kind of a response from Dove chocolate customers.

Egads. I sure hope Dove® chocolate customers are smarter than average, because these sayings amount to nothing but bad advice. Baaad advice - as in, this is the kind of stuff 13 year old girls pen in the back of their Jr. High Annuals.

Here they are...

1. When two hearts race, both win.

No, when two hearts race, both do NOT win - at least the odds are good that one will lose. I had a buddy in college get a girl pregnant. Enough said.

2. Be mischievious. It feels good.

Being "mischievious" may indeed feel good, but what's the point of feeling good when a cop is walking up to your window with his hand on his Glock and the other forming a leather-gloved pointer? Then again, maybe Dove® is talking about farting in some else's office that case, it's still bad advice as farting is not so much mischevious as it is plain ole'rude.

3. Love without rules.

WTH?!?! "Love without Rules" may work in the insect kingdom, but not with people. Start taking out all of the "rules" of Love like commitment, honor, respect and selflessness and you pretty much end up with that scene in Fatal Attraction where the psycho woman kills the family rabbit and... ah, why am I even argueing this point?! This was definitely written by the Patchouli & Hemp set that names their "love children" after radioactive elements and fruit.

4. Wink at someone driving past today.

"Hey! Bubba! Wake up! See that there ol'Suburban back there? She done WEENK at me! Ah'swair! Ah'm gunna slow down some..."

Wink at someone on the road?! Only if you can steer with one hand and shoot with the other.

Again, in all seriousness, these wrappers could have been done so much better - to feature the excellent product, reinforce the ocassion - without the juvenile platitudes.

Nevertheless, I've scarfed down 6 of those delicious dark chocolates today and they could have been wrapped in cat hair for all I care - they taste great!

Dove Chocolate® - Indulgences that could be sweeter.

The picture above is a scan of Dove® dark chocolate wrappers. The printed messages are on the inside of the wrapper.

The first wrapper states, "When two hearts race, both win." The second wrapper states, "Wink at someone driving past today."

Dove® chocolates are good. REALLY good. Especially the dark chocolates. But these labels are dumb.

NOT necessarily dumb because both pieces of advice are silly - "Both hearts racing" works for deer and deer hunters. "Winking at someone driving past" can lead to an exchange of pepper spray.

These labels are dumb because they do not connect the customer with the product in a way meaningful enough to warrant Dove® paying for the Promises® registration. Here's why...

The premise is good - create a way for customers to connect the product to the primal driver within the customer. That "primal driver" is a spirit of indulgence, of luxury. However, there are some hurdles to get past - chocolate is fattening, relatively expensive and unnecessary. By associating a clever phrases that incite "indulgent thinking" (passion, mild naughtiness), Dove® hopes its customers embrace this little bit of fun and associate it with the Dove® experience.

But, these cute sayings fall way short of the mark. Again, the advice is bad. But even WORSE (from the marketer's point-of-view), the advice doesn't make the reader think about Dove® chocolate!

Dove® could have had much better Promises®.

"This chocolate might be the naughtiest thing you do this afternoon. Eat two."

"Go ahead. You're skinnier than her, anyway."

"You have to work hard for chocolate like this, so the calories don't count."

"Take me shopping (hunting, fishing, climbing, working, etc.)"


Clearly, the copywriter was working over their lunch hour on this stuff and probably not eating chocolate.

In the meantime, I'm hoping the next wrapper my wife gets says, "Get a job to pay for the engine overhaul on the wreck laying in the garage."

Now THAT is indulgent thinking.

And I'd buy her Dove® chocolates. Often.