Monday, October 29, 2012

Daddy Saddle: dodged THAT bullet! (Whew!)

Is there an emoticon for "WHAAA?!?!"

Any good Revolutionary or Anarchist out there knows that the easiest way to ruin a culture is to introduce counter-culture ideas into the minds of its children.

Kenner - the company that brought us Spirograph®, Easy-bake-oven® and all those cool Star Wars figurines - was clearly part of the Communist plot to destroy American social order in the 1960s.

As a red, white and blue-blooded American dad, I find "Daddy Saddle" to be horrifying!  I work too dang hard to keep the little critters in control to let it all unravel in this gut-twist of authority.

Thing 1:  Daddy!  Let's play Horse!
Dad:  Sure!  It'll be fun!
(puts on Daddy Saddle)
Thing 1:  Wee!
Dad: Ouch, ouch, uh-oh...
Thing 1:  Faster!
Dad: Uh, time to put this away...
Thing 1: Awww...

(ten years later)

Thing 1: Dad, the meth party is at our house tonight.  And I want the fridge full.  Of steaks.  And don't go cheap on the beer.  And I expect you & mom will get a hotel room.
Dad: (to self) Woe! Woe!  And it all started out with a round of 'Horsey!

(shudder).  And I can hear just the sound of kneecaps being ground into crumbly pieces by the hard linoleum...

Thank goodness parents don't play with their kids anymore.


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

They've scratched The Surface.

The ad above is for Microsoft's new tablet computer, "Surface."

Have a look.


BZZZZT!  (That's an alarm to wake you up)

Ok, this is what Microsoft does now that Steve Jobs is dead - they break out the creativity and go for the jugular vein!

The Microsoft iPad - er Surface - is so cool because it...clicks!

See?!  Get it?!  It clicks!   See?!  Because Apple customers are all googly-eyed for design over substance, right?!  And so instead of selling real features and benefits, they focus on the click because - as everyone knows - clicks are irresistible!

Hipster 1:  Hey Reagen.  Neat beret you're wearing.

Hipster 2:  Hey Josh.  It has a little snap, too.  See?  It clicks.

Hipster 1:  So COOL!  I want one!


The attempts at out-Appling Apple are silly.   If Microsoft really wants to hammer after Apple, go for price, go for user base, go for compatibility (ahem)...but trying to me-too the Lizard King of technology is like me walking up to Chris Brown and saying, "Yo!  How'dem bitches?!"

He'd probably hit me and I'd have it coming, too.

Anyway, I predict the market for people who want a tablet that CLICKS with switcheroo keyboards and covers is about ZERO.  Until they lower the price and say, "Everything the iPad does for $100 less!"

Then it'll scratch the Surface of the marketplace.   Until then - WE DANCE!