Thursday, July 10, 2008

Lucky moms...

The graphic above is a scan from a 1953 edition of Life Magazine.  The advertisement is for a toothpaste called "Ipana."  Sweet jiminy, I'm glad I grew up in the 70's because if this stuff would have been around for my flouride-weakened system, my mouth would look like a spent smoke bomb.

But these are 50's people - wholesome, optimistic, plucky, tough...and so grateful, they feel downright LUCKY to get a toothpaste that's both Ammoniated AND Chlorophyl'd.

Read the's LUCKY to have such a toothpaste. I can imagine her pushing through Health & Beauty aisle, downcast because of the dearth of truly effective toothpastes...then coming upon Ipana A.C...and breaking down, sobs, beams of joy, maybe a hug for the stocking clerk..overwhelmed by LUCK.

Mom should also be "Lucky" that Ipana didn't turn her kid's mouths into shredded meat - the stuff's POWERFUL!  Just check out the illustration below.  The shot on the left is over 1,000,000 Lactobacilli bacteria. Yeah, you're probably thinking, "I wouldn't be caught dead in a room with 10 Lactobacilli let alone a million!" But, let's say this nightmare comes true - a tube, maybe a squirt, probably just a whiff, will sanitize like a blowtorch on porcelain.

However, the detail below is a little more sinister than the wholesale slaughter of millions. I bet the second after the camera shutter clicked, that device stuck to her cheek let out a big ol'BZZZT! and the poor gal clunked sideways, her hands tied behind the chair...

"Miss Jenkins, we hope now that you take our corporate Halitosis Policy seriously."

Hmmm. Maybe there's good reason the mom in the ad was feeling Lucky?! "Oh children, your breath smells just lovely..." (ding dong) "Bad Breath Police." "Oh, do come in...." (sniff sniff) "Great smelling breath, kids - no punishment today...Keep up the good work, Mrs. Burbank." (door slams as the Breath Police make their way to the next house; all cheer knowing that smart, LUCKY Mom has saved them from another horrible round of electro therapy.)

Oh well. Not only does Ipana AC beat the bacteria, it's also Certified by the American Institute of Laundering. Of Laundering. Yes, of Laundering. But I shouldn't sound so self-righteous, evidently other GREEN toothpastes stained washbowls, tooth brushes, towels, nighties...right now, I've got images of these 50's kids, running around the house, hopped up on Howdy Doody, foaming with green drool, leaving minty stains wherever they touch, spit...

Ya know...that family is lucky to have teeth at all.