Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Don't type with your mouthful.

The bag of crunchy somethings above is from HyVee - a midwestern grocery store chain.

Let's see.

They got Tostados - bite size, white and yellow ones.  Nice for decorating, I bet.

They got Tortilla chips, too.  Ranch, Nacho and "Restaurant Style 100% White Corn." Hmmm.  They're right.  I've never, ever seen Ranch or Nacho chips at a self-respecting restaurant.  (make mental note of this Quality Indicator).

And, they got Corn Chips.  Just Corn Chips.  Your basic Chips of Corn.   Nothing more, nothing less.

Up until now, I was tracking along the Brand.  But suddenly, someone found the Can of Adjectives and had a PARTY!

Get a mouthful of these names -

Cheese-Eze Puffed Cheese Flavored Corn Snack
Krunch-Eze Crunchy Cheese Flavored Fried Corn Snack
Butter Flavored Pop Fresh Baked Corn Pops
Cheese Flavored Pop Fresh Baked Corn Pops
Cheese Balls Backed Cheese Flavored Corn Snack

"Bill, I think I've got it!  We should call them Cheese Eze Cheese Puffed Corn Flavored Snacks!"

"We can't, Tom.  Just got back from Legal, Tom  It turns out that's trademarked."

"Dangit!  All the good names are TAKEN!"

These are the most bizarre names I've seen in a while.  And how are kids supposed to get addicted to salty snacks with names that require a cheat sheet?!"

"Mo-om, could you get some Cheese Eze Crunchy Punchy Funchy Grunch..."

"Spit it out, honey..."


"Pringles.  I want Pringles."