Yeah, it's an old ad - we're tracking 1970s. But it's sooo worthy.
Can you imagine what the marketing guy for Abbott Labs (it was always a Guy back then) said to the agency?
"No no no! It's in the eyes, man! Tell your artist it's in the EYES!"
So the account executive packs up the Comp, goes back to the office, sits down with the Art Director, pours a glass of bourbon...
But this time the Creative Director steps in. With three bottles of Pepsi and three little pills... "You guys need to spend a little more time with the client's vibe."
"Don't worry. This is the SHORT ACTING stuff. You'll be home by 8. Promise."
And wouldn'cha know it - this time, they got the eyes RIGHT!
The screenshot above is for the Glade® Sense & Spray® device.
So. I push the dismembered woman in the uterus and the room smells...nice?
Women are gorgeous - and the Coke bottle proves their commercial allure. But without breasts...or a head for that mater, they're kinda creepy.
Oh well.
Watch the spot below. I wonder why she doesn't travel outside of a 5' radius of the scent. I wonder. My sister one day informed me that "Girls don't fart."
Well, watch the commercial. Did you notice the car flip and roll? NOPE! That's because the EDITOR knew precisely when to cut to the next scene!
"What is a Trabant?" asks the un-gearheaded among us.
It is possibly the only car I would donate plasma to buy. For one, that's all it's worth. For two, to the people who own them, that's like...normal currency to them.
Oh - click here to find out why TIME Magazine listed the Trabant as "The Car that gave Communism a Bad Name."
The above graphic is a screen-cap for Retar...dex. It's a dental product designed to RETARD bad breath.
Go ahead, laugh at the retar...er, moronic name. But you didn't come here for stupid humor. You came for the pithy, insightful and elevated.
So, look at the graphic below. It's the company's own admission that they have a brainless brand name. But, check out their 'excuse' -
"However it was developed by a Professor of Dentistry and his team to actively retard...Because their expertise was dentistry, not marketing, they didn't consider..."
Ohhh. Right. The creator is just a Professor of Dentistry! Well now that they say that, all is forgiven. After all, Dentists tend to be a little - you know - retar... well, slow on the uptake, if you know what I'm sayin'.
I just hope there wasn't any Chemistry required in the formulation of RetardEd...er RetardEx. "Geez! How was I supposed to know that adding diesel fuel made it flammable! I'm just a DENTIST!"
Wait! If we have any comments on the name, we're asked to "...pass to our marketing department, contact us here." (insert email and facebook® icon).
So the Professor hired a whole department of marketing people afterwards and the name still sucks?!?
Scratch "HR Executive" off the Dentist's qualifications, too.
Geez. How retarded.
Oh. And to the Executives at RetardEx. Anyone who's told you that "Any press is good press!" has never heard of Hitler. And, if they've never heard of Hitler, they're stupid.
The ad above was provided by a sadvertising reader - it's a pull-off promo from a soft drink cup marketed by Taco Johns.
Just in the nick of time, too.
See, I'd been slouched on the curb tracing words of despair on the concrete with an empty bottle of Sailor Jerry. My utter lack of faith in the promise of Marketing Goodness had finally spent itself in an unholy Saturday afternoon drunk.
"Wee goddaa yoosh our forshes for GOOD!" I cried (so they tell me). "Frr'GOOD! Nnnoot...nnot... nott EBIL..frrGOOD!"
Just as I started to fall backward under Morpheus' mocking blow, a child - a precious, innocent child presented the above to me. "Don't give up hope Mr. Sadvertising. I give to you a sign!"
There, blocking out the damning rays of sun, was the child's sweet visage and the above scanned coupon. "Read. It is good."
See...here's the deal - buy a load of high caloric sugary sludge from Taco Johns and you can get HEALTHY LIVING TIPS! YES!! HEALTHY. LIVING. TIPS!
"Ha. Ha." you say, smirking at the obvious irony (most people here are NPR listeners, so irony is like daily bread to them).
NO! This isn't a myopic mistake of a Regional Assistant Field Marketing Assistant. It's the work of a Brilliant Mind and utter leadership to take control of the masses and bring them to the Promised Land.
See, the fatties who splurge on the Combo Meals don't read past the offer. They're too focused on the promise of more food. So when they TXT the code, in expectance of a free Mega-whatever, Ka-POW! They're hit with the surprise attack of truth!
Real...healthy...living...tips!
(slurp - nom nom nom nom) "Ok lookit. Here comes our offer! I bet it's a double combo upgrade! Ok! Here it is! It says, Go for a walk in the park and ...eat an apple..?!."
(slurp - crunch, crunch) "What's'n apple momma?"
FX: Cue sunlight splits the Taco Johns roof, cue Handel's Messiah, pink-cheeked (but muscular) Cherubs descend and a vision of the fatties in their slim, trim form jogging atop a tree lined bicycle trail plays).
GOTCHA! And this time, FOR GOOD!
Ha. I knew we had it in us. All this time, I just knew that - when united for a cause, just like in WW2 - we masters of propaganda could use our power to the beneficence of everyone. We can do it!
And Thank You Pepsi, Taco Johns, for taking the lead in providing Healthy Living Tips with every meal. You sly devils you... :)
Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to write I go... (whistles, a little lift in my step). Zippidty doo dah!
