Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Hell Panda! Merry CHRISTMAAAARRRRGH!




Is a product "Sadvertising"?  Yes.  It is when it scares the wits out of your child.

This little gizmo found its way into Thing 3's stocking.  A cute little Panda keychain (Thing 3 owns no keys, btw) with - what's this little button here?  Let's just push it...

WWLAAAAH!  WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!  Possessed Panda from the Underworld!?

"Daddy!  Make the bad Chinese exporter stop!  Make him stah-ah-ah-ah ahhhhhp! (inhale, WAHHH!)"

Or maybe it's a carefully disguised self-defence device.

Anyway, this piece of evil has got to go before Thing 2 figures it'd be fun to sneak to school and freak out the playground.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

What happens in the Caymans, stays in the Caymans.


The scan above is an ad taken from last month's Redbook(?)  Of course, the ad is to promote tourism to the Cayman Islands.

Aside from being grammatically incorrect*, the headline promises: "Where once in a lifetime happens everyday."   I hope not.

Firstly, swimming with Stingrays is pretty cool.  For having the ability to kill Wildlife Experts like Steve Irwin, they're rather professional and only envenomate people when molested.

So, why does it appear that Mom is getting zapped out of her mind because of Dad's reckless and (in many countries) deviant behaviour?

I guess for the two kids, the Caymans will live up to the promise.  Dad's in jail for life and mom's in a coma.

*Every day.  Two words, not one.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Chocodooby. My Christmas gift to Ad People.



The ad above is an old one, but I still remember the first time I saw it years ago.  Since then, I've been jamming pipe cleaners soaked in gasoline through my sinuses in an effort to clean my brain.

Naw.  Just kidding.   This is my Xmas gift to all in the Biz who are struggling right now with that Genius idea and the Faith that the client will buy it.  Rise up, oh hopeless, oh cynicized, oh beaten-down Creatives.  It can happen.  You can sell anything you set your mind to.

Including a giant gibberish-speaking testicle that sells food and toys.

Thank goodness Europe has socialized medicine.  If this would have aired-big in the United States, it could have brought down the system in a single "Weeeeeee!"

"Doctor!  This...this...this horde!  They keep clawing at their eyes!  What do we do?!"

"Barricade, nurse.  And head to the heliport, stat!"

PS - Kinder Eggs® are the BOMB.  And I want that airplane.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A big drink of Cigar Box


A sadvertising reader sent this to me.  "Do wine descriptions count as Sadvertising?"

Sweet jimminy on a stick, they sure do!

Melange Noir - 2007


Tasting Note:  Aromatic ripe berries and spice marry with light cedar notes.  A well rounded palate of black and cigar box leads to lingering tasted oak on the finish.


In other words - this plonk tastes like burnt wood.  Order the Crown & Coke.  There should be a licensing process before allowing people to use words in public, don't you think?

"...black and cigar box leads to lingering..."

[slaps forehead]

[again]

Thank you, sadvertising reader!





Sunday, November 28, 2010

A BLAST to your FACE! Yeah!


The scan above is a direct mail piece I received yesterday.  It's for a new Schick® razor that I'll be trying tomorrow morning, for free!  Yay!

But don't be surprised if I'm forever changed by the experience.  In fact, I'm a little scared (but I'm going through it because Fear is bad and it's not going to cost me any money).

Poor Schick® - they've struggled at being #2 to Gillette forever.  Maybe it's the lack of slotting fees, vibrating blades or Sicilian connections but it sure isn't lack of trying, hence the giveaway.  And I'm "in" - the kids have been warned that this afternoon is "Trip to Target® day!  Yay!"  (collective groan response).

Or it could be their weird Creative.

Firstly, their slogan, "It's like a blast of hydration to your face!™"  This has to have been thunk up by women because to a man, a blast of hydration to the face is followed by a charge and a right hook to the kidney. It's the law of summer water fights.  And any self-respecting man who rubs his cheeks after shaving complaining of, "Hydration issues" is probably too weenie to be trusted with sharp metal anyway.

Bah. I know a man who spent a week in a WW2 jungle and he shaved every day using a dull razor, skin oil and rain water.  I can only imagine the dumbfounded stare he'd give me if I asked, "Bill, how did you deal with facial hydration while you were behind enemy lines?"

Weirder yet is the ™ mark - clearly, some Creative Director thought, "No one's gonna steal that slogan from us, it's just too good!"  Good luck on the "blast to face" brand extension.


Anyway, secondly, the OTHER slogan is even more thought provoking - "Free your skin®."  This one is ® too.

Mirror check.  Stare deeply at our parched cheeks and repeat after me:  "My skin needs to be freed."  From the rigid confinement of muscle tissue?

I guess those Schick™ razors are pretty sharp!

Maybe this is where the Hydration comes in?

Note:  A Sadvertising reader - a 90 year old man, no less, just responded to me with this:
      
One day I read where using water was just as good and a lot less expensive.  Remembr, I grew up during the Great Depression.

Well, I started shaving in the shower with water pouring over my face keeping it real wet as I made strokes with my razor.  It worked.  No pain.  Good shave, no delayin trips to the hotel gift shop.  I still do it.  I have not used any kind of shaving cream i in 50 years.  Also,  I dry my razor after using and change blades about once a month.

Not sure this would be satisfactory for a man with a real fast-growing, heavy growth of facial hair, but it works for me.  I shower, shave and exercise in the shower every morning  (hip squats and toe-touching)  Just became 90.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Depressing?


The ad above is for "Abilify" - it's a drug that - apparently - helps depression drugs work better.

This post came from a suggestion of a Sadvertising reader.  Typically, this blog is uproariously funny and I wallow in the accolades of "Ha ha" like a media buyer rolling in bonus spots. Or a pig in mud.  You pick.

But, this ad isn't so much a lampoon of a Creative, Art or Copy director as it is to how little is known about Depression and how to treat it.  How do we know?  Read the copy.

"Approximately 2 out of 3 people being treated for depression still have depression..."

The sadvertising reader asked, "So, 66% of depression treatments aren't working?!"

Now I know where all the burned out Ad people go...product development for Big Pharma.  With Media the way it is now days, they're probably looking at a 33% hit rate and thinking it's like Direct Mail in the 80s all over again.

Happy Days!

PS - I just had an idea.  Why not stuff $5 bills into the bottles?  Just imagine the Focus Group on that one - "So, how did you feel when you found a bunch of money in your bottle of MegoFlux?"  "I felt...great!"  "Whoa! 10 for 10!  Call the FDA...and the Copywriters!"

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Yes.


The photo above was taken at a trade show.  I know it's "for real" because I took the photo.

Folks, I'm here to tell ya' - it's that easy.  You know that famous silicone lawsuit of a few years back?  Pointless.  Needless.  You babes needed only Chesty Chewing Gum.

And you know, the code was buried there all along - Mastication (for chew)  Mastos (Greek for breast)... geez.  This is like the Bible Code only happier!

Being a victim of the upper-Midwest, I knew by experience that the more women chewed, the bigger their boobs got...but so did their butts.  And their ankles.  I've seen'em at pizza buffets, chewin' and chewin'...

However the Natural Burst Company has the magic numbers dialed in - reference the nubile (at last, a reason to write 'nubile'!) woman who is obviously placing her faith in Chesty.  Let's hope this is a "before" shot.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Level 4! All the way!



The video above is for the "i-JoyRide Exerciser."  It's a clip from a Canadian shop-at-home television show.

Go ahead - click Play.   I'll wait.

[Twiddles thumbs, whistles]

So.  Wha'dja think?

Two quotes made me think.  The first one was:  "This is been a great thing for my boys and I to do when they get home from school..."  Yeah.  And as soon as your boys bring home a buddy or two, you'll have them lined out the front door.  "Hey.  Let's go and watch Billy's mom exercise some more!"

The second one was pertaining to having guests over for dinner and inviting them to ride the i-JoyRide.  Certainly - especially if you're also demoing how to clean vomit out of carpet.

Want more?  (hint:  go to :50)  For some reason it just makes more sense with a Brit accent.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Poor Frank.



The graphic above is from an email received from Giants Sunflowers.

Double-click the graphic - if you dare - to get a closer look at the Frankenstein-guy.  Instead of being frightened at his reanimated corpse-ishness, he kinda looks...sad.

Looking at our Malaise-minded Monster, I'm thinking he'll break out into tears at any moment.

'Course, if I were forced to wear that ill-fitting hat, I'd be bummed too.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Watch your back, yes. And...maybe the History Channel?


The graphic above is a direct mail piece created by a marketing company working on behalf of North Carolina Legislator, Tim Spear.

I think the message is clear - Spear is a Democrat who's watching the "backs" of veterans.

Only these veterans are not veterans.  They're WW2 reenactors.  And they're not American reenactors but Germans.  And, if we're being nit-picky, these Germans are fighting for Hitler.

Ah, Hitler.  The man who exterminated millions and completely buzzkilled an easy-to-care-for mustache for the next six hundred years.

Of course, the marketing company is all over with the mea culpa's.  But, how on earth do you apologize to a client for THIS?

Ad guy:  "Hey.  Spear dude!  'Sup?!"
Spear:  "Uh...just working on trying keep my job.  'Sup with you?"
Ad guy:  "Uh.  We put Nazis on your postcard."
Spear: ----- (sfx of man faceplanting)

All in all, this error is a simple one.  However, it does illustrate that no one at the firm bounced the concept off of anyone who knew anything about the Military...which is especially ironic considering the headline:

"In combat, you always want another soldier covering your back."

At least a soldier who isn't the freaking ENEMY.  Oh well, maybe the Graphic Designer is a Republican.   Or, for the geeks among us, a National Socialist.