Saturday, May 19, 2012


Gawd, I live in a box.  And I'm so grateful.

Two days ago, sitting in the MSP Westin, my TV-deprived kids found this.

"Daddy?!  Is this why we're home schooled?!"


I'm happy to say, I once was blissfully unaware of "Sweet Genius" from The Food Network.

Now?  I'm scarred for life.  Bald gay guys with undeterminable accents freaked "The Fam" totally out... my 6 year old remains attached to the headliner of our minivan, held against gravity by the clenched grip of her little fingers...


I don't care if he's bald.

I don't care if he's gay.

I don't care if he can't speak in proper Minnesotan.

What I DO CARE about is the way he dismisses his minions to create "Sweet Genius!" food items via  ridiculous props (a conveyor belt and a big-red button?) and stupifying commands.  "Darkness!"

"You will use...mahshmallooos...und.... bacon fat!  And yo'ah eensparayshun?!  Eet iss... A HAMMER!"

I call BS.  For the past ten years, my wife has been blowing this poor goofball AWAY by making dinner out of stuff like American cheese, used green tea bags, 85% hamburger and saltines.

Her "eensparashun?!"   The fifteen minutes between finished-with-homework and dance-class-and-cub-scouts.

Reality TV sucks.