Saturday, April 10, 2010

Just buy it.

The scan above is an insert that appeared in (I think) the recent Woman's Day magazine for Marcal brand recycled paper products.

Did you ever see the movie "A Christmas Story"?  Though the film is basically one brilliant scene after another, one of the stellar moments is when the little boy finally receives his Little Orphan Annie Decoder Ring and discovers that his heroine is really a marketing farce.

"Be sure to...drink...your OVALTINE!?"

Yeah. We all laughed. Those Ovaltine bastards, charming a kid with the lure of drama and intrigue only to find out it was all sadvertising.

Well, the subliminal Sadvertising forces drew me to this one like a wasp to orange soda.  Maybe it was the "100% Free" headline, maybe it was the photo of the suspiciously Satisfied Guy.  Whatever.  The BS Meter was in full-on Berzerker mode from first glance.

The Satisfied Guy is none other than Tim Spring, CEO of Marcal company.  He's an "Avid Hiker and Conservationist."  He's also rather brazen for 'one of them-there nature people.'

The quote:  "If everyone buys just one roll of our paper products by Earth Day, we would help save 1 million trees."

Is that all it'll take? Just buy?  JUST BUY?  EVERYONE?!

Why didn't he just write:

"If everyone BUYS just one roll of MY paper products by Earth Day, I can go hiking and conserving in Patagonia with the Bambi Twins."

Yeah, yeah - I saw the Freebie offer and really, it became null and void as soon as Mr. Tim's goofy quote registered.   And the million trees is ridiculous because there's no way to know exactly how many "everyone" really is.

No matter.  The brand name is called "Small Steps."  Geez. I wonder what Tim's got up his sleeve for when he's ready to take bigger steps - maybe he'll have goons in dark glasses slapping black police batons at the paper aisle end-caps?

"Hey. Lady.  Buy this.  Doooo it."