Sunday, July 15, 2007

I'm sorry, honey, but since we made Pookie say "Yo Mama!"...

The above graphic is a combination of a scan from a piece of legalese that accompanied a "Baby I'm Yours" doll and its new owner.

"Baby I'm Yours" is a doll-brand marketed by Target department stores. The doll emits odd noises that are intended to simulate a typical human infant. In reality, it sounds like a bag of hungry kittens, but that's another subject.

Anyway, the circled wording reads:

Caution: changes or modifications not expressly approved by the party responsible for compliance could void the user's authority to operate the equipment.

Read again - "...could void the user's authority to operate..."

Wow. Little Jenna could have her authority to play with Pookie VOIDED if she did any messin' with the doll's voice chips.


Muffled voice: Is this the home of Jenna Hanson?

Kid: DAD! There's a bunch of guys surrounding the house!

Dad: Close the curtains! Honey - get Pookie!

Mom: (hysterically) You mean...!?

Dad: I'm afraid so...since we programed Pookie to speak Swedish, Jenna's authority to play with Pookie is VOID!! (Looks wife into eyes and delivers an impassioned line) QUICK! FLUSH POOKIE!

Mom: (sobs as she runs down hall to scramble through Jenna's toy bin in time...)

Yeah, yeah, the flier is some off-the-shelf piece of legal salami, likely written a decade ago for some other product.

BUT Target® has the talent and passion to make sure their products aren't treated with such an off-hand manner. Business must realize these little details are important - they get passed around the birthday table, blogged by fifth-rate writers and ultimately, reflect on the precious reputation of the retailer.

But since they brought it up, I wonder if there's some way I can hack it to say something other than, "Mew!" "RarRarRarRar!" and "Murm"...