I may never work on the Diesel account.

The above ad is from Glamour Magazine - the February 2008 issue. I tore it out of a mag at our health club (I'm a Glamourous guy, you know) and tossed it into my gym bag. 'Got a little crumpled in the process...

Anyway, here's the High Concept - a blonde Asian woman is staring at her reflection as she runs into an oncoming truck. (time out - imagine that phone call from the Creative Director to the Client: "Yeah, we're gonna get a blond Asian chick, she's going to be holding a big ole' mirror and running into a truck! It'll be GREAT!"

The copy reads: "Live fast." The subcopy reads, "High Speed Shopping: diesel.com" What the...?!

Wait...now I get it! The mirror is the metaphor for a computer monitor! The truck represents the terror of an upscale mall...and the blonde Asian woman wearing last week's jeans is the customer you DON'T want to be!

Ah-HA! It's getting clearer now...If you don't shop at Diesel.com, you'll get hit by a truck! Right! Got it! No...WAIT! What's that slogan under the logo? "For Successful Living" ?!

Ahhhh. Maybe this whole vignette is a character message - "If you're obsessed with appearances, you'll get hit by a truck and you won't be successful." Right! Just like mom always taught us kids - work hard, do right, be yourself...

You know, it took me a while, but Diesel's all right, taking the time to weave that Noble message in and out of their ad. This reminds me of a saying my Mom had about about clothing and trucks...what was it (thinks)...OH YEAH! Wear clean underwear in case I get hit by a...THATS IT!

THIS IS AN UNDERWEAR AD!!

You know, if I was out walking around, navigating by reflection, and I looked up and saw that truck, I'd definitely have a sudden need for clean underwear and when I got out of the hospital, I'd head straight for Diesel.com to buy more! Brilliant!...maybe...not.

Going back to Diesel's slogan and what my mom taught - work hard, do right, be yourself, wear clean underwear...that'd be be truer to "...Successful Living" than screeching tires, shattering glass and dirty underwear.

In the meantime, you might like to see a fashion ad from 1979 that's both insane and brilliant at the same time. One of the all-time best ads ever - timeless, elegant and well produced all around.

What's a Breast without the "Rrrrrrrr!"?

The above photo was a picture taken of a piece of chicken pulled out of a bag of frozen chicken breasts.

So...what's a Breast without the "Rrrrrrrr!"? A BEAST!

Holy Pterodactyl - if that's a breast, the "chicken's" head must be the size of a freakin' MELON!

And why is this grotesque photo germane to a blog about marketing? Because customers have evidently gone boobie for gigantic, genetically, chemically enhanced birds.

Capitalism is a beautiful thing, but mutating meat to this degree is beyond bodacious - it's food porn for a nation of gobblers who simply can't get past the idea that bigger is better.

Reminds me of a saying I just made up - "If we don't like what Nature gives us, she might just give us what we want."

All hail our new Chicken Overlords.

How to look FABULOUS and CONFIDENT. Really!

The above image is from the back of this month's Reader's Digest. It's an ad for Dove soap.

For a minute, I thought it was an ad for Jagermeister. Or maybe Spring Break in Daytona.

But, actually, it's an ad for Dove soap! The soap that gives babysitters the confidence to take off their tops! Yay!

Egads - what a lousy concept and one that definitely should have been the sign that the agency's Creative Jam was done for the day. The subcopy reads: "We applaud women with courage and self-esteem."

There are men who'd applaud that woman (click the headline and go to her website) but they usually do it waving $20's to the Motley Crue tune, "Girls, Girls, Girls!"

Trust me, I get the intentions of this ad - that Dove is a brand that can help women break free of stereotypes of body image blah blah blah blah... But putting HER in THAT getup with THAT grin and THAT pose doesn't say "Fabulous" or "Confidence." It says "This sorority is about to get a lawsuit."

Maybe I'd find this ad more alluring if I just didn't happen to have a daughter that I'm trying to lead to a definition of "Fabulous" and "Confidence" that has nothing to do with body shape, size or lack of clothing.

Then again, I'm a guy. What do I know about objectifying women?!

Sometimes a logo needs a little space to calm down.

The graphic above is from www.clubztutoring.com - a franchise that specializes in providing kids with tutoring services.

Their mission is all well and good...but their logo casts a shadow on their teaching methodology. Specifically, the use of Clubz.

I once tried using Clubz to get the kids to pitch in on the housework once - it didn't work out well. First, they were too fast and secondly, I used rather large Clubz and the damage to the sheetrock and trim was horrific. In the end, I got tired from wielding the Clubz and ended up a broken man, hunched underneath my wife's wagging finger, "I told you, don't be too hard on the kidz!"

he he he...

Oh well - unfortunately, the logo designer's sense of typography just doesn't reflect the obvious passion of the company's leadership. A simple space between Club and Z would reinforce "Club Z's" desire to help, not pummel.

Next, they'll be asking for hummus and tofu.

The above ad was found in our Sunday paper. It's for a pet food called "Goodlife Recipe." The product's slogan appears to be, "Thoughtful recipes made just for them. It's that simple."

WHAT?!

Thoughtful?! ...just for them?!

Put the bongs down and step away from the smoke...CATS. NEVER. FANTASIZE. ABOUT. CARROTS.

Nor do they think "Gawd I'd love a big ole'tomato!"

Same with peas in the pod.

Spinach too.

I'll give them the sushi and milk.

BUT PASTA?!

Sweet jiminy on a stick - who's the THOUGHTFUL person thinking up these "just for them" recipes? Obviously, they've never seen real cats (notice the fangs!?). Cats are carnivorous predators. When I was a kid, I had a cat that caught, killed, gutted and gorged on a rabbit. It was disgusting as all get-out, but that cat was prouder than a pious mom on first-communion day.

Last I knew, if a cat's out eating vegetation it's just before they cough up parasites, hairballs or plain old keel over.

OH! Wait - down there on the lower left - the coupon's fine print: "Wholesome delights or treats for Indoor Cats."

Oh. Ok. Now I get it. Goodlife is for pale, whiny latch-key cats who get their toys taken away by mice.

Dogs on the other hand...I once had a dog that ate a shoe. And it didn't even puke.



UPDATE: Heard from a Sadvertising reader who claims her cat will eat Lima Beans, Potatoes and Corn (that's dropped onto the floor). I think her cat's crazy and I stand on my assertion that cats don't care about carrots.

Turning tragedy...into NEWS YOU CAN USE!!

The above graphic is from Foxnews.com. Horrible news, really - someone's child, friend is dead. But, notice how three little words suddenly make the headline really (as they told me in Journalism School) "Reach out and grab the reader!"

Those three words? Why, they're "Gnawed by Turtles."

The editors and foxnews.com are spot-on and top-notch - they KNOW how to make news exciting and...well, meaningful for the masses.

Ya'see, what's another dead guy? Probably happens in Jersey...maybe...every day..maybe every hour. (yawn). But when the body's GNAWED BY TURTLES, suddenly, I - YOU - EVERYONE wants to KNOW!

Let's try it with other mundane headlines...

"GAS PRICES UP $.15 IN TWO WEEKS AND GNAWED BY TURTLES"

"CANDIDATES DEBATE IMMIGRATION REFORM AND ARE GNAWED BY TURTLES"

"TAX REBATE CHECKS ARE BEING MAILED AND GNAWED BY TURTLES"

Sigh.

Some day, I bet even dead bodies gnawed by turtles will need a little more "ooomph" to keep the ratings up.

But for the life of me, I can't think of anything better than...GNAWED BY TURTLES.

Dang. Some people get ALL the genius while the rest of us get...