So it's been. What. Seven years since this blog was last updated?
At one time it was famous. Really famous. Like, you and I bumped into each other in the grocery store all day long and it was glorious. "Who ARE you?!?"
"I'm... that guy."
And you laughed... and we laughed... and it was glorious.
But that was then, this is now. I checked-out because I got all sanguine about life. That ended today. And I blame "Celebrities" Kristen Bell and Dax Sheppard. Of course you know them for their terrific advancements in humanity but they also market a product called "Hello Bello".
Their products get children NATURALLY clean (as opposed to UN-naturally clean).
I'm a total capitalist. Look at what Socialism and Communism have done for humanity... (keep looking, I'll wait).
No, I won't. I don't have that much time.
But there's a burden to capitalism. It's called... being... (I want to write, "A good human" but I won't because I'm not a good human. I'm a Christian. And that makes me totally dependent upon Jesus for anything good that I have.).
...
Reasonable human? Yes. Let's settle on Reasonable.
Anyway.
A. Kids have been getting "naturally clean" forEVER. There is NOTHING "un natural" in the universe. Ever. Ever, ever, ever and EVER. Granted, we can clean children with concoctions like turpentine, titanium brushes and Brillo™ pads to horrible effect but they're still NATURAL. Everything is natural. Thanks to the big-bang. What the Hello Bello folk are trying to say is, "Now, you can clean your children with good things versus the caustic waste our parents used to ruin US."
Bzzzt.
B. Notice that Kristen Bell's BUTT and Coccyx area has a perfectly 90-degree flat area? (sigh). Why do people buy Photoshop and suddenly get lazy? I don't know. I buy Photoshop and suddenly I feel like I have to work five times as hard to pay the yearly fee... but that's just me. Or, maybe she really does have a perfectly plan-form butt-coccyx area. If so, Dax has a place to build model airplanes on.
C. What about the "O!" face! Tell you what, everything seems fun with the O face. Until... well, mom and dad decide to inject you with growth hormones and you grow a head of hair that would make Harry Stiles proud!
 |
| This is Harry Stiles. I don't know if he is attractive or not. But he has a HUGE head of hair. And he parts it like the Bello Smello (whatever ) kid. Coincidence?? |
D. YOUR KID LOOKS LIKE HITLER. Geez.
How many kids in diapers a.) play in the tub with (natural) chemicals?! b.) have a Stiles-esque mop of hair?! c.) have parents that are SO FREAKING CLUELESS INTO HISTORY that they give their children the hairdo of the 20th Century's worst....
Wait.
Wait.
Are Kristin and Dax sending us a message???
I think I may have decoded the message with my ballpoint pen. And I didn't even need Photoshop!
"Hello Bello"??
More like...
"Hello Fourth Reich!" But that doesn't fit on the bottle. And it doesn't really... "roll off the tongue" y'know? Hmmm.
"Hello Hitler?"
Sure. Why not. The past is the past. Let's move on!
I hope Kristen can find someone who can make awesome uniforms to match her perfectly flat butt-coccyx area.
