Serial Kitty

The above graphic is a screen-shot from a Foxnews.com story about a cat that seems to "predict" impending death in nursing homes.

Good grief - I hope I'm not the only person who's seeing a demented coorrelation between CAT and DEATH.

Doctor: (standing in front of locked medicine cabinet, scratching chin) "Hmmmm. The Strychnine is all gone again. I wonder if someone has gotten their paws on that key we lost last year..."

Wipe this.

The above graphic is a scan of a napkin taken from a Godfather's pizza restaurant.

The napkin contains an important message - a message so important, the company decided to print it on thousands of napkins!

Using the napkin itself, we can decipher the important message:

1. Big Shot has become such a problem for "da family" they need to spend a great deal of money to correct it.

2. The problem? Big Shot has let "da family" down by being piggish at the dinner table.

3. "da family" is dysfunctional, believing public insults to be the only way to get Big Shot to straighten up.

Who's "da family"? - well, presumably, The Godfather's restaurant company.

Who's "Big Shot"? - well, obviously a frequent customer.

Note to self: Don't mess around with "da family." In fact, you're better off steering clear altogether!


NOTE: A Sadvertising reader pointed out Godfather's "Gangster" shtick. Ya'know, the REAL Godfather would have just sent a couple heavies and beat the snot out of Big Shot.

I'm sorry, honey, but since we made Pookie say "Yo Mama!"...

The above graphic is a combination of a scan from a piece of legalese that accompanied a "Baby I'm Yours" doll and its new owner.

"Baby I'm Yours" is a doll-brand marketed by Target department stores. The doll emits odd noises that are intended to simulate a typical human infant. In reality, it sounds like a bag of hungry kittens, but that's another subject.

Anyway, the circled wording reads:

Caution: changes or modifications not expressly approved by the party responsible for compliance could void the user's authority to operate the equipment.

Read again - "...could void the user's authority to operate..."

Wow. Little Jenna could have her authority to play with Pookie VOIDED if she did any messin' with the doll's voice chips.

SFX: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Muffled voice: Is this the home of Jenna Hanson?

Kid: DAD! There's a bunch of guys surrounding the house!

Dad: Close the curtains! Honey - get Pookie!

Mom: (hysterically) You mean...!?

Dad: I'm afraid so...since we programed Pookie to speak Swedish, Jenna's authority to play with Pookie is VOID!! (Looks wife into eyes and delivers an impassioned line) QUICK! FLUSH POOKIE!

Mom: (sobs as she runs down hall to scramble through Jenna's toy bin in time...)


Yeah, yeah, the flier is some off-the-shelf piece of legal salami, likely written a decade ago for some other product.

BUT Target® has the talent and passion to make sure their products aren't treated with such an off-hand manner. Business must realize these little details are important - they get passed around the birthday table, blogged by fifth-rate writers and ultimately, reflect on the precious reputation of the retailer.

But since they brought it up, I wonder if there's some way I can hack it to say something other than, "Mew!" "RarRarRarRar!" and "Murm"...

Forget the corner office - you want a Consol!

The ad above is from a 1940 edition of Flight - a British airplane magazine. Remember - in 1940, England was bombed by Germany as part of the Nazi's offensive plan for world domination.

Thankfully, "Constructors, Ltd" of Birmingham was there to make sure "KEY PERSONNEL" were protected with their Consol Shelter.

Presumably, at the first sign of enemy bombers, Key Personnel would don their insect costumes and enter the Consol, secure in knowing they were immune from raining death.

There's a certain humor to these nickel porta-potties - it's easy to imagine some highly valuable (Key) VP trundling into his Consol with the London Times under his arm and a cup of tea in hand.

But what happens to those who aren't "Key Personnel?"

Picture some upper-level wonk, figuring out who's "KEY" and who isn't: "Let's see - I have 25 Consols and 55 employees...Jenkins, I'm sorry, but you and the rest of Marketing will just have to run like hell."

Anyway, good tidings to you on this happy Monday and may you all be KEY PERSONNEL all week long!

Cupcakes, Down Under

The graphic above is a scan taken from a circular flier for the Australian grocery store, "Coles."

Aside from the fact that the company has a lousy proofreader (can you find it?), the company ALSO has a lousy Art Director.

Or, worse, a comfortable familiarity with flies.

Thanks to the swell people at Geedos.com for their permission to link to the original post:
http://www.geedos.com/wordpress/?p=263

Down, Spot. Down.

Somewhere, some bone-headed art director is STILL laughing about "...the funniest photo shoot EVAR!"

Somewhere, some little old lady turned a corner at PetMart, looked up and went straight to ER.

Somewhere, some dog is gnawing on his Zanies™ Bone.

Right here, I feel a little uncomfortable looking at this package.

Yep. Gotta get me one.

The photo above is of the "Lil'Marc Potty Training Urinal for Boys."

Sweet jimminy! Do boys REALLY NEED to be TRAINED to pee in a urinal?!

Parent: "Dale, pee there. No, there. NOooOO...THERE! THERE! PEE THERE!! AAGGGH! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO APPLEBEES UNTIL YOU CAN PEE STRAIGHT!!"

According to the web site, there are "colorful reward stickers and helpful hints enclosed."

I hope those "reward stickers" are Chevy logos.

And the "hints"...? "DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WHILE TALKING AND USING LIL'MARC URINAL."