Now THAT'S an attractive box!

The ad above is for Orbit gum.  It came from.... I can't recall right now.  But that's not important.

Neither is that this ad is a thickly veiled poke at sex - there are at least three such references here.  Yawn. What's truly sad here is that the ad is about...printing.  Ink on stock, look-for-the-union label, take it to the die-cutter PRINTING.

(I'd insert crickets chirping here, but they've died of neglect.)

Sweet jimminy - are things so boring at the Wrigley Company that the ad people have to strap a corset on their spokesmodel to brag about the printing? Make no mistake about it - the compelling message here is that Orbit has a printed box.  In this case, a green one with little scab-like things on it.


"Gary.  What'cha chewin?"
"Orbit"
"Day-um!  You must'a made sales quota this week!  What's it like?!"
"Well, you know...(clears throat) they DO make an attractive box." (snicker)

Wait!

This just hit me.  You don't think that Orbit customers were standing there in the C-store gum aisle, trying to figure out what to do with their box, do you?

"Wm Wrigley Customer Service, how may I help you?"
"I'm standin' here...wonderin'...like...what is this?!"
"It's our Outer Wrapper™!  Remove it to find something surprising underneath!"

(crickets chirping...)

"Wow!  Four color, two PMS colors and an emboss!"
"Surprised?"
"Hell yeah!"
"Tell your friends about our box,'k?"
"oooooh yeah..."

The Mother of Invention.

The graphic above is for the "Easy-Out" eyeball repositioning tool.  Now you know: there's enough of a market 'out there' for a company to market a gizmo that allows doll lovers to change/reposition their toy's plastic eyes.  Free-enterprise is a powerful force, eh?

However.

You know...I'm sitting here...trying hard to write...but something about that photo just keeps distracting me...

Ok.  I figured it out.  It's the brilliant way the Art Director has us notice the company - "Bloomers*n*Bows."  I'd have never thought to use a one-eyed mutant baby to call out the company logo, that's for sure.

But, to quote a client, "That sure makes the ad 'Pop!' doesn't it?"

(sigh)

I'm not THAT comfortable.

Every ad agency has this story - someone walks in with The Greatest Thing Ever!

And the conundrum begins:

Do you take their money? (and your kids get to eat)

or...

Send them to the competing agency down the street (and your kids get to make fun of their kids during recess).

You decide.

Butt...one thing has me thinking. The video states that "Comfort Wipe" is the first improvement in Wiping Technology (WT) since the 1880s.

Maybe they're right. Grandma always talked about how valuable "that old Sears Catalog" was back in the outhouse. Too bad all we have today is Direct Mail postcards. 

And those postcards are not good.  Not good at all.

Ha ha.  "Potty Humor" is officially banned for the rest of 2010.  

Still #1 in fresh breath.

This really isn't "sadvertising," but it still fits.

The scan above is the overwrap from Delta Airline's amenities bag listing Contents and Country-of-Origin.

As "amenity bags" go, it's a Beaut!  The socks are especially nice with little rubber grippers for, presumably, when the airplane's in a 90 degree bank and one still needs to walk up to the "labratory."  (as my middle child used to call it.)

Let's see...  Reading down the list, China, China, China, China, China, China, China - OH!  Greek lotion!!  Italian lip balm, China, Thai toothpaste (!) Chinese ear plugs...but!

Wait!

There's Good Ol' Uncle Sam making a play at the mint market.  Damn!  Nothing like genuine American breath mints.

Now, I know America is focused on too many more important things than manufacturing the paltry contents of a silly little freebie.   After all, it's just stuff, right?   Plus, the Greeks are legendary for their lotion, right?

But I'm wondering.  Are American mints so good China simply can't compete or could it possibly be that an American company figured out a way to out-cheap China...?

I wonder if, 50 years from now, a Chinese businessman is sitting in First Class eating Chateaubriand, sipping Bordeaux casually reading the origin-source of the amenity bag...

United States, United States, United States, United States, United States, United States, China, United States...

I hope the Thai's still have the toothpaste market though.

No. Please DON'T set your sights.

The photo above is a billboard from Sioux Falls, South Dakota.  It's promoting the "Opener" of the Sioux Falls Pheasants - a minor league baseball team.

For the unenlightened, Pheasants - a game bird noted for being colorful and tasty - are a big part of the South Dakota's tourist income.  Hunters flock to the state from all over the world in the hopes of experiencing Pheasant hunting at its world-class best.

So, I can see how it falls to mind to honor the bird by naming the local ball club, "Sioux Falls Pheasants."

But what doesn't make sense is this billboard.  "Set Your Sites" it states, next to the smoking end of a shotgun barrel.

Hmmm.

Naming the local team after a game bird that's seasonally shot & eaten for sport is one silly bit of logic but this billboard fairly asks for mayhem.

"Ladies and gentlemen...NNNoooowwwWWW annnnnnnouncing!  The SURVIVING LINEUP of the SOoooOOO FALLLlllLLSSS PHEASANTS!!! (cue organ music, crowd cheers, shotgun blasts...

....ambulance wailing...

...kids screaming...

drunk guys hollering, "Ah gaht one!  Ah gaht one!"

Well isn't this just about the most disturbing thing...

Yeaaahhhh.  Riiiight.

Well, THANK YOU VERY MUCH mister 1950s Art Director.  It looks like we'll be seeing ANOTHER warning label on packaging...

Sienna - the Minivan for MEN! DAMMIT!

The ad above is for the Toyota Sienna minivan.

What happened at Toyota?  They used to make reliable, well-made cars suited for sensible citizens.

"Wow, Gary.  That white Camry looks nice!"

"Yep.  It's got a sun roof, too."

"Wow.  Open it once, 'k?"

"Sure!"

Then, someone in the Brand Department must have decided to add a little "edge" and soon, Toyota was accelerating down the fast track to...this.

The hip slogan (in hipply understated typography) reveals the target audience - frustrated male minivan drivers.    The New Sienna Minivan.  Daddy Like.

"Daddy Like."  Ah, dad.  Slopped forehead, hairy knuckles, monosyllabic.   Definitely a Neanderthal.  Only three things on dad's mind - beer, mom and, "GAWDDAMMIT!  GET YOUR SH*T OFF MY (@*#$& LAWN!"

Hence the headline, "Anger Management."

Now, Toyota mitigates the Male Driver temper by putting a camera that sees THAT GAWDAMN (@*#&$! FENCE! or SWEET JEBUS ON A @(*&$#~! STICK WHO PUT THE TRASH CAN THERE?!?!

Boy, I bet the family's happy now.

"Mom?  Why does daddy swear so much?  Is it because he got passed over for The Promotion again?"

"Hush hush!  We can barely afford this lease as it is!"

Thanks for thinking about Us Men, Toyota.

Now fix your @#(*$&#@! gas pedals so they don't kill anymore people.

Assholes.

Just buy it.

The scan above is an insert that appeared in (I think) the recent Woman's Day magazine for Marcal brand recycled paper products.

Did you ever see the movie "A Christmas Story"?  Though the film is basically one brilliant scene after another, one of the stellar moments is when the little boy finally receives his Little Orphan Annie Decoder Ring and discovers that his heroine is really a marketing farce.

"Be sure to...drink...your OVALTINE!?"

Yeah. We all laughed. Those Ovaltine bastards, charming a kid with the lure of drama and intrigue only to find out it was all sadvertising.

Well, the subliminal Sadvertising forces drew me to this one like a wasp to orange soda.  Maybe it was the "100% Free" headline, maybe it was the photo of the suspiciously Satisfied Guy.  Whatever.  The BS Meter was in full-on Berzerker mode from first glance.

The Satisfied Guy is none other than Tim Spring, CEO of Marcal company.  He's an "Avid Hiker and Conservationist."  He's also rather brazen for 'one of them-there nature people.'

The quote:  "If everyone buys just one roll of our paper products by Earth Day, we would help save 1 million trees."

Is that all it'll take? Just buy?  JUST BUY?  EVERYONE?!

Why didn't he just write:

"If everyone BUYS just one roll of MY paper products by Earth Day, I can go hiking and conserving in Patagonia with the Bambi Twins."

Yeah, yeah - I saw the Freebie offer and really, it became null and void as soon as Mr. Tim's goofy quote registered.   And the million trees is ridiculous because there's no way to know exactly how many "everyone" really is.

No matter.  The brand name is called "Small Steps."  Geez. I wonder what Tim's got up his sleeve for when he's ready to take bigger steps - maybe he'll have goons in dark glasses slapping black police batons at the paper aisle end-caps?

"Hey. Lady.  Buy this.  Doooo it."

Written with Real Fruitiness-ness.

The ad above was placed by Kellogg's for it's Pop•Tarts® snack-things.  It's in this month's Family Circle.

The Art Direction here is rather good.  It caught my bloodshot eye anyway.  I bet it gets almost as much attention as "What your refrigerator says about your sex life" and "Ten ways to feed your family for less than a dollar a day."

However, notice the headline.  Now, everyone knows that Pop•Tarts are about as nutritious as white bread dipped in Vodka.  So when I read, "Baked with real fruit" my BS meter started gurgling.  And sure enough, there at the bottom ('cuz Kelloggs is big enough to have lawyers on staff) was the clue - a disclaimer.

Here it is:

*Filling made with equal to 10 percent fruit.

Read it again.   Now read it again.  Ok, one more time.

You're confused aren't you.  Go ahead admit it - there are religious prophecies worded with greater clarity than that.  And after reading the disclaimer, the headline takes on a whole new meaning - "Baked WITH real fruit" could mean that Kellogg's pulled an office chair next to the assembly line, set an apple on it and called it Truth.

See, Kelloggs could have written, "Fruit filling contains 10% fruit."  or  in the case that each flavor had a different percentage for fruit (as if Wild Grape would have wild grapes anywhere, anyway) "Fruit content may vary."

But no, they wrote:  Filling made with equal to 10 percent fruit.

It's like they're referring to some other ethereal substance that is not fruit but can be equated with fruit.  At least 10% of fruit.  Ack.  My head hurts.

Whatever, Kellogg's slogan is "Made for Fun®"   Well, maybe made for equal to 10 percent fun.  More or less.  Sort of.

Leaving tracks.

The picture above is the lid from a container of Blue Bunny ice cream.  Blue Bunny ice cream is pretty good ice cream.  Of course, even bad ice cream is pretty good.  Unless its meatloaf ice cream.  That's not so good.  But anyway...

"Bunny Tracks®" ice cream, as a flavor, is pretty good.  It's got, "Vanilla Flavored Ice Cream with Thick Fudge and Peanut Butter Caramel Ribbons, Chocolate Covered Peanuts and Peanut Butter Filled Chocolate Bunnies."

So why give it a poopy name?  And I suspect last-day-on-the-job art direction.

I'll assume the brown smear across the mound of ice cream is the Bunny Track?  If it is, that bunny has dysentery and shouldn't be anywhere near food.  Or maybe those lumps are the Bunny Tracks®...if so, I bet that bunny can run a heck of a lot faster now that it's dropped 10% of its body weight on the spoon.

Being fair, cutting through product clutter is a roll of the dice.  The reward of success is like Vegas - big enough to try, but the last statistic I read on new-product introductions is that 19 out 20 fail.  Even understanding that Bunny Tracks is probably a promotion product, scatological tactics are a sign that something in the Creativity Department needs to be flushed.

Even stranger is that Personals - the brand line for this particular product - appears to be aimed at women.  Maybe I'm hangin' with the wrong group of gals, but they don't find dookie appealing at all.

"Bunny Tracks is Sadvertising for the the same reason Boeing doesn't name its passenger airplanes "Lawn Dart" or Estee Lauder doesn't sell "Meatloaf" perfume.

Geez.  Rocky Road sounds rather upscale about now.


UPDATE:  Two Sadvertising readers have responded - one said SHE almost bought some for her husband.  Then another let me know about Pig Trail ice cream.  I'd imagine Pig Trails are somewhat more substantial than Bunny Trails.