You can Tuna Piano, but you can't Tuna Kitten.

The graphics above are from PeTA's website. They represent the group's latest effort to eliminate all "cruelty" to animals - this time, they're embracing fish.

Little by little, decision by decision, PeTA is working hard to get "people" to eat less meat and be "ethical" in our treatment of animals.

Though I personally think PeTA's cause is as dumb as a hay bale, the group should be respected for their ability to generate publicity and take the "long view" in evangelizing their cause. PeTA's outrageousness is actually an admission to the utter magnitude of changing a human culture that's so systemic, it's wired into our evolution.

Typically, PeTA's rather clever. But their "Sea Kitten" campaign shows a distinct slip in their creativity. "Sea Kitten"? Come, on, people. The meeting that cooked that one up couldn't have taken more than five minutes.

"Guys, fish are dumb and stinky. We need to make fish cute and cuddly!"

"I know! Let's call them Sea Kittens!"

"Good one! Meeting adjourned! Let's get pizza!"

Now, "Sea Kitten" will work for a little while. The little kids will go "eeew!" when mom tries to feed them Tuna*. But when the inevitable Fish Sticks - er Sea Kitten Sticks - show up on the school lunch menu, SOME kid's going to crack and come to the horror that SEA KITTENS ARE TASTY and the natural question occurs...

"Hmmm. If Sea Kittens taste good, are Land Kittens better?"


*Pssst. Mom. They don't call it Tuna Helper for nuthin, you know. Mmmm. Thank me later.

The blue screen of Dearth.

The above screenshot is from a CNN.com article on a Microsoft patent that enables "pay as you go" computing using low or no-cost computers.

Quirky idea - kind of like if iTunes made the vocal tracks of songs free but charged if you wanted the full version with instruments (Can you imagine listening to Nickleback - vocals only??  Heave...SPLAT!)

Can't wait to learn the Creative Strategy behind trying to sell a notorious software/operating system on a pay-per-use basis.  Might as well put a "Coin Return" slot on the side to mollify people waiting for refunds.

But, don't worry.  It won't happen.  At least while Microsoft has their A-Team of Word Manglers on the case.

"...requires more or less a one chance at the consumer kind of mentality, where elasticity curves are based on the pressure to maximize profits on a one-time-sale, one-shot-at-the-consumer mentality."

Sweet jimminy!  First, never trust anyone who uses the word "Granular" and the topic of conversation isn't about sand. 

Secondly, if Microsoft can't explain their concept without resorting to mind-bending jargon, do they think Joe Six-Pack will sit back ride their Elasticity Curve??

Microsoft's Communication Department needs a base-line, granular paradigm shift at the 100,000 ft. level.

In the spirit of giving.

The screenshot above is taken from Foxnews.com this morning - the point of attention is the "Thank You..." ad from Chrysler.

Realizing the current fashion of trashing the American car industry, the hubris of Chrysler's leadership is still noteworthy.  "Thank you America...for investing in Chrysler"!?!

Chrysler is a private company.  Any money given is not an investment, it's a prop.  There'll be no payout until the Management Culture is erased and replaced with one that values profit and quality.

So, in the spirit of GIVING, the ad's been rewritten to reflect the general American consumer's sentiment.

OH!  One more thing - YOU ARE 'WELCOME' FOR GIVING YOU THE $ TO PAY FOR THAT AD, ya boob.

Click to enlarge.

Plus a few others for fun. :)

Last restroom on the way to eternity...

The above graphic is a screenshot taken from the Hathaway Funeral Home chain. Evidently, the Hathaway Group shook hands with the Crapo Clan and a hyphen sealed the merger.

Aside from the obvious fertilizer for jokes, the name in this day and age is mystifying.  Didn't ANYONE speak up?!  

Maybe it's a marketing strategy - going for the segment of "distress" burials.  You know, people you don't like?

"Yeah.  We put that witch Aunt Matilda in Crapo...HA HA HA HA HA and GOOD RIDDANCE!"

I should contact the Hathaway's and get the scoop on why they kept such a goofy name, but I suspect they'd try to bury me with some line of B.S.  HA HA HA HA HA.

Some comedian out there just got 30 minutes of material.  "Honey, that new Crapo routine positively KILLED'EM last night!  They died laughing!"

"Great dear!  The Hathaway people called too - your commission check's at the front desk!"

GM. People building transportation. 1978

The GM television commercial above is circa 1978.  

Regardless of your opinion on whether tax money should be used to liquify the American car manufacturers, this spot provides a fascinating look at the world's auto giant just as its cresting the hill.

The tone of the spot is happy, go-lucky.  Buddies playing with tools, back-slappin', having a good time.  You get the impression that a smoking BBQ is just off camera and "Ned and Ellen" are dragging a steel cooler of beer along the concrete.  Foghat blaring on a portable 8-track - "Sloow riide...take it eeezay..."

But, while GM was making statements like, "We'll knock down engines for a bad paint job and that's no jive in that."  Honda, Mazda, Datsun, Toyota were building cars that defied the culture of planned obsolescence.   

It may be easy these days to take pot-shots at the American auto companies, but recognize their problems didn't start last month.  They started back in the days of truly bad hair.

Mind you, the leadership at GM expressed their vision of the industry with the statement, "People building transportation to serve people."  

Sweet jimminy!  I bet the wind around Detroit kicked up a few knots when they let that one out...could anything be any more lackluster?!   

The union workers were probably excellent folk who did their job to the best of their opportunity, their training and their leadership.  Too bad that half a world away, Honda, Toyota and Datsun were listening...

"If the customer has problems with that car, then we got problems because he's not going to be a General Motors customer again."

Ahhh...the '70s.  Cars that sucked, sweaters with more neck than sleave and bombs that "...killed people but left buildings standing."  

Better than "Short Circuits" I guess.

The above graphic is a screen-shot of a telecom provider in Iowa.  Their company is called "Long Lines."

I remember waiting at the Verizon™ outlet for 90 minutes.  I thought THAT was a "Long Line." However, it's refreshing for a company to belly-up to the microphone and just say it - "You're going to be standing around a while."

Ok.  Did some research and the guy who founded the company's last name is Long.  And "Lines" harkens towards the day of telephone lines back before the Cell Phone revolution of...1991.

So, I guess if your name is Long and you want to get into the advanced, hyper-service world of 21st Century telecommunications, "Long Lines" is , well, cause for pause, at least.

Kind of like if I were a positive guy named Charles and I started a beer & buffet bar named, "UpChucks." 

Anyway, if they would have named themselves "Small Bills" I would have signed up.  Now.

An American Revolt-ing.

The graphic above is a screenshot of Chevrolet's website, taken this morning.  Regardless how one feels about watching the American auto industry do its slow-mo crash into a brick wall, it's apparent Chevy thinks we're more Dummy than Customer - notice the "News and Offers" section.

The verbiage provides a deep clue into their marketing and PR strategy.  One word:  GUILT.

"Support the U.S. auto industry.  Learn how you can help."  The button underneath is labeled, "Take action >"

What?!  "Learn how (I) can help"??  "Take action"?   Chevy isn't trying to market their cars - they're embracing a Cause.  Next is probably a telethon where the Chairman of GM does a morale boosting visit to empty showrooms and packed repair shops...

"When you give to General Motors, your money goes to the caring of thousands of irrelevant automobiles across the nation.  Like Suburban here - only 3 years old, once advertised at $60,000, now only $19,995..."

How Chevrolet can keep their slogan, "An American Revolution" while their leadership is asking for public money is way beyond ironic. 

Using guilt to control subjects may work for cults and communists, but a car company?!   

Bah. Chevrolet's making me look like a bloomin genius. For all their website talk of "Green" "Revolution" and "Red Tag Sales", have you noticed anything missing?

Cars. There isn't a single picture of an automobile on the Chevy website! Imagine a Car Company selling cars.  Hmmm.  From the looks of things at Chevrolet, the idea is positively Revolutionary.

You think ONE is great?!

The graphic above is a scan of an IBM ad circa 1952.  The copy explains that the IBM computer is so efficient and powerful, "it's like having 150 EXTRA engineers" available on call to save the day. 

Ah, yes.  150 floating heads, 300 disembodied hands and enough Anal-Retention to count the number of grains of sand in Florida.

Actually, this is a darned effective ad and definitely a product of the Marketing Department.  Believe me, there's nothing more horrifying to a Marketing person than a wonk who can't stir coffee without trial, error and a resultant system and process. 

The day 150 of them were replaced by a box that could be jammed into a dark closet had to be huge.  "Le'me do that ad, le'me do that ad, le'me do that ad, pleeeeeeaaasseee???!"

******************

For your engineering pleasure, here's a list of common Engineer rejoinders, by discipline:

Chemical engineer:  "You're doing it wrong, and I'd tell you but you wouldn't understand."

Electrical engineer: "Do what you want, but don't blame me if you die."

Nuclear engineer: "If you don't stop, we could all be dead. Theoretically. And I think I'm right about that. At least that's what we currently believe.  Unless it changes."

Software engineer: "(Sigh)...just let me do it."

Mechanical engineer:  "Go ahead.  I'll watch and laugh while you screw it up."

Geological engineer: "Hey!  You could at least ASK me!"

Systems engineer:  "You're doing it way too much!  Simplify! Simplify!"

Bio engineer:  "What you're doing is a process.  We have no idea what will happen.  I will take it from here and ask for help when it gets out of control."

Genetic engineer:  "Some day, none of us will have to do that any more, you know."

Civil engineer: "If you get the pizza, we'll get the beer!"

 *****************************************************

NOTE TO ENGINEERS:  This is a good natured poke.  It's just a joke.  Funny - you know?  Like when HR people talk about helping their kids with their upcoming science project.  Or like when George Lucas keeps putting sound effects in an outer space environment.  Elsewhere in society, teasing people that are "liked" is relatively common.  This is one of those instances.  It's appropriate to laugh. Here.

All that being stated, Marketing people know they're functionally useless until people like you give us something to do with our "talents."  

Note:  A sadvertising reader has noted that all the engineers are clean shaven white guys with male pattern baldness (MPB).  Yikes.

Another note: The photo below was provided by a sadvertising reader who is, in fact, an engineer. He wishes to let the world know that Engineers can be colorful, courageous and color blind. He sends his well wishes to engineer brothers everywhere.

Another note:  A sadvertising reader - and also an ENGINEER, stated that he'd rather have 150 'talking heads' than a 'gray box' any day as the human mind is a better computer than...a computer.

Well, DUH!

The clip above is a commercial for EAS's energy drink, "Myoplex." It features QB Brady Quinn.

Interesting concept - show Brady stepping onto a treadmill to be transported into an apocalyptic wasteland where he becomes a Team of One, pushing the limit, going extreme to get to...the can!

Must be some stuff, that Myoplex - you'd expect when Brady finally gets to the goal, he'd take a big ole'gulp and sigh, "Ahhh! Myoplex!"  Or a lip-smackin', "Wow! Myoplex hits the spot!"  Gee whiz, maybe a "Whoo, doggie!"

But no, Brady turns to the camera and deadpans, "Now, I'm done."

Or is it, - "Now, I'm dumb." ???

Go ahead - watch it again.  Your ears are tainted forever.

"Ah man...I ran 5 frickin miles and all I got was this can of nutri-goo?! I am SO dumb!"

Anyway, the basic confusion here is so obvious, we have to assume one of two things:  1. The spot was created, produced and placed without input or collaboration from others.  Sometimes that works.  Sometimes, it's dumb.  Or 2., the producers knew of the Done/Dumb mumble and decided to cast faith in the old adage, "Bad publicity is better than no publicity!"  If so, tell that to George Bush.

Bottom line:  EAS didn't need to gamble on controversy to get publicity.

Additionally, isn't the phrase, "Now I'm done" anathema to an athlete? Maybe he's hinting at retirement - surely with his mumble, he'd have a tough time as a sports announcer. Instead, he could have tried a career in Comedy by belching, wiping his face and growling, "This is goooood shiiip!"

Either way, this spot is authentically "Sadvertising" with the dumbest thing being that the spot hasn't been taken off  YouTube.  

Thanks to a Sadvertising reader for the tip.

"Why does daddy drink so much after work?"

The ability to generate new ideas, to find new solutions to old problems, to provide places of expression for other's gifts - these are the rallying cries for those called to "Create."

And so, "Creativity" is not only a calling, but also a burden of responsibility toward humankind.

Henry Ford, we thank you for the automobile.

Jobs&Woz, we thank you for the Macintosh computer.

Barack Obama, we thank you for energizing political Change.

Rachel Carson, we thank you for giving Environmentalism emotion and passion.

However, to the creators of "Wonder Sauna (long) Hot Pants," we stop, gasp...and ultimately curse the indelible image above that's been seared into our brains.

But the ridiculousness of the Wonder Sauna (long) Hot Pants (WSHP) isn't the point of this post. That the WSHP is no longer attaching itself to hopeful, but nonetheless stupid people is proof that Capitalism takes care of itself.

What's important here is - "What happened to the models?"  Specifically, the dude.

Can you imagine getting the call from your agent, "Hey. Gary.  Uh...got a gig here.  Pays cash. Can you make it next Friday at 3?"

"Uh, maybe. What is it?"

"Uh.  Well, it's called a Wonder Sauna Hot Pant...thing.  Hey, listen can you make it or not?!"

"Sure. Baby needs new shoes, ya'know!" (laughs.)

(laughs) "Uh, yeah!  Gotta provide for the kids!  Uh, anyway, here's the address..."

Then, some stone-faced art director hands you this...this...BALLOON TOY of an adult diaper and minutes later, you're in your underwear being told to SMILE!

We simply have to find this guy and see if he's ok.  Let him know that there are people who care.  Who can look past the past.  Who can strengthen and encourage.

The chick?  Ah.  She's prolly fine.  Women have been wearing weird crap since beginning of time.  (Anyone remember Leg Warmers?)

But the dude...the poor, sad dude.  Creativity has done him wrong.

"Oh miracle of the Internet, we beseech thee to locate Mr. WSHP and tell him all is forgiven."

PS- A sadvertising reader commented that it was easy for me to take a "cheap shot" against the 70's.   Ok.  I accept.  But gee whiz...look at the thing!