Younkers doesn't even seem to be TRYING any more.

A Sadvertising reader provided the Direct Mailer above - it's for Younkers' "august sale" that starts Wednesday, August 22.

It's also evidence - at least to me - that the company has outsourced their marketing to people who have no concept of clear English.

Firstly, the piece is prime evidence of some of the most gratuitous Couporn* on the market today.  It's got more come-ons than Bourbon Street at Midnight during trade-show season.  I counted at least FIFTEEN different examples of sales pitches based solely on pricing.

It's pretty clear that a brand is lost when the whole pitch seems to be about giving away margins.  I'd understand if this was some sort of "Crazy Days" that only comes once a leap year or so but to Younker's, this is just "august sale."

They're throwing around discounts like a summer camp food fight!

But look closely at the upper left corner - see the $10 Off headline residing above the incomprehensible logos of Younkers and sister companies?

Here.  I blew it up.  At least 140% too, btw...

WTH?

Get $10 off the next storewide purchase of $25 or more when you spend $50 anywhere in the store.

This strategy is bizarre and most likely a one-way ticket to Big Lots!  They're not selling clothes or home stuff any more but going for the kind of strategy that immediately puts the focus on GIMMEE GIMMEE.

Either Younkers has gone somewhat mad or they've farmed out their copywriting to people who clearly don't give a damn about what they're saying.

Forever 21® lets their models be themselves.

The screenshot above is from Forever 21 - distributor of generally cool clothes.  Generally.

But, they also seem to be decent folk.  Or their Art Director is a lazy POS.

Ok - imagine you're a "Male Model" and you get the call - "Work!"

Immediately, visions of food - glorious food! - and gas and at last, a little cash for somethin' special like a toothbrush - spring to mind.  You don't think, you just GO!

The card says, "Forever 21," the people at the door seem friendly, the Assistant Art Director offers some coffee - glorious coffee! - and you're led into a dressing room with... "Sketched Floral Tank top."

Suddenly, you feel scammed.  "I gotta wear...THIS?!" And those skinny jeans feel just a little bit tight.  Paycheck's are overrated.

"NEXT!"

And POOF!  A few flashes, a few poofs of foundation and there you are, signing the freaking talent release.

WTH?!

Yep.  WTH, indeed.  Just look at that face - he's speakin' to the bro's back under the overpass - "Dude. I like...hate this gig.  But tonight, Micky D's on me!"

SALUTE mail model.  And DOUBLE salute to you lazy Art Director for letting the poor guy show us how he really feels about that gawd-awful tank top.

The rats have left Syria, leaving only the Amateurs.

The photo above came from the Syrian news agency, SANA.  It's part of a "story" on how Iran and Syria stand in solidarity bromance with each other in light of Syria's civil war.

On the right is Saeed Jalili, Secretary of Iran's Supreme National Security Council.

On the left is Bashar Assad, Syrian President.

In the middle is evidence that anyone with Art Direction skills have left the country.  The choice of furniture, background and strange, unarticulated poses are baffling - the scene is screaming, "Something awkward is going to happen any second!"


"Would you like a piece of pie?"

"Why yes!  I would like a piece of pie!"

or

"I am sorry."

"No problem!  We fart in our country, too!"

or

"I have an original Boba Fett action figure in mint packaging."

"Oh really now!..."

Would it have been that much trouble to stand out on a balcony and hold their clasped hands up high in celebration?   Or AT LEAST, put them in the back of a convertible and drive around the parking lot..

Instead, those that would NORMALLY be all Ga Ga about this glorious moment don't even get to the propaganda itself - they're stopped cold by the photo, cluck their tongues and smarm,  "Geez!  Look at those two dorks."

Say what you want about them Fascists - they sure knew how to cut a Photo Shoot.

Inside Kristen Stewart's mind - the echo is deafening.

The graphic above is a screen-shot from somewhere inside today's Foxnews.com site.  It's an article from the ironically named "Dr. Keith Ablow."

Aside from having an outrageously funny headline... I had this visual of walking alone in a vast desert, the crunch of dried, cracked dirt underfoot and nothing but endless vista before me.

Aside from being poorly written... Here's the rule, Doc; if you post a picture of yourself with a blue power tie, you can't do "stream of consciousness."  I can.  But I wear hipster glasses, know the best wine for less than $6 a bottle and listen to indie music.  You, good sir, are bald and old.  Ick.

Aside from being a horrifying waste of time...

This article IS a brilliant example of how our news and information is being delivered peddled to us in this fantastic digital era.

"If Kristen Stewart is like the hundred people who have shared their personal, intimate thoughts with me..."

Oh sweet jeebus on a stick - this whole thing is an ef-fing AD!  And a crappily-written one, too.  I can find a hundred people to share their personal, intimate thoughts at the local soup kitchen.  And the keyword-laced copy reeks of correspondence-course SEO.

So.  Doc.  If you want to build a brand, there are a hundred ways to do it better than riding the coat-tails of a young woman who just wants to sleep her way up the flagpole.

In the meantime:

Kristen Stewart Robert Pattinson Obama Romney duel against Martian Aliens in 2012 against Syrian Forces breaking up global warming with Doctor Oz and Nate Berkus riding Oprah Winfrey's Kristen Stewart mind at Chick-fil-A gay homosexual chicken restaurants with late airline arrivals at all time highs to be attacked by Great White Sharks and Miley Cyrus may be pregnant with lucifer's step child.

There.  That should get me a bajillion hits.