Poor Frank.

The graphic above is from an email received from Giants Sunflowers.

Double-click the graphic - if you dare - to get a closer look at the Frankenstein-guy.  Instead of being frightened at his reanimated corpse-ishness, he kinda looks...sad.

Looking at our Malaise-minded Monster, I'm thinking he'll break out into tears at any moment.

'Course, if I were forced to wear that ill-fitting hat, I'd be bummed too.

Watch your back, yes. And...maybe the History Channel?

The graphic above is a direct mail piece created by a marketing company working on behalf of North Carolina Legislator, Tim Spear.

I think the message is clear - Spear is a Democrat who's watching the "backs" of veterans.

Only these veterans are not veterans.  They're WW2 reenactors.  And they're not American reenactors but Germans.  And, if we're being nit-picky, these Germans are fighting for Hitler.

Ah, Hitler.  The man who exterminated millions and completely buzzkilled an easy-to-care-for mustache for the next six hundred years.

Of course, the marketing company is all over with the mea culpa's.  But, how on earth do you apologize to a client for THIS?

Ad guy:  "Hey.  Spear dude!  'Sup?!"
Spear:  "Uh...just working on trying keep my job.  'Sup with you?"
Ad guy:  "Uh.  We put Nazis on your postcard."
Spear: ----- (sfx of man faceplanting)

All in all, this error is a simple one.  However, it does illustrate that no one at the firm bounced the concept off of anyone who knew anything about the Military...which is especially ironic considering the headline:

"In combat, you always want another soldier covering your back."

At least a soldier who isn't the freaking ENEMY.  Oh well, maybe the Graphic Designer is a Republican.   Or, for the geeks among us, a National Socialist.

This is ONE way to win a taste test. I guess.

The screenshot above is from Pierre Foods - a manufacturer of, well, food.  The crude drawing of a sickly green person getting ready to Ralph is mine.

For a company that can run a dang-fine cover shot like the one shown, they're danged insecure about their hamburgers  I mean, comparing their COOKED burger to a "leading raw burger?!"

(scene: Corporate guy with clipboard, in a Mall, behind two plates)

"Ok, mom. Would you rather serve your kids this sizzling burger or patty up some of this raw stuff and risk spending 4 nervous weeks as your kids fight for life against e-coli poisoning?"

"Uh...I'll take the cooked burger!"

"YAY!  We win!  Again!  We're great, we're great nananana boo boo We're Great!  Again!"

And evidently, the Pierre people took this bizarre taste-test on the road - nationally.

"Ok, now what's better - our tasty chicken sandwich or this fistful of poultry intestines?"

"YAY!  We win!  Again!  We're great, we're great nanana..."

NOTE:  A Sadvertising reader just offered the following factoid:  1:3 still preferred the RAW BURGER.

MY GOOD CARPET!

The graphic above is a scan sent to me by a Sadvertising reader who received it in a "card-deck" mailing to his home.  Suffice it to state, it's for a company marketing "Outdoor Gear."

Regardless, you're looking at one of the hardest-working pieces of paper this side of a dysentery ward (or a political flier - same thing).

Sweet jimminy - we've got a Goth babe (with hip dysplasia?), FIRE - LOTS of FIRE! -  no less than five fonts, a ginormous pizza oven with FIRE - LOTS of FIRE! and good ole' Shep holding a dead pheasant.  On white carpet.

I feel like I just washed my eyes with Red Bull.

Oh.  Wait.  I'm re-reading now... oh!  Well, duh.  I should have read the copy first.  It's "Not your ordinary Hunting Sale!"

Well alright then - they're marketing Un-ordinary.  Everything makes total sense now.  In that case, the only change I would have made would be to add a Cadillac Escalade with 25" bling rims somewhere.  Maybe too a picture of Grizzly Bear.  And maybe a stack of $100's and a bottle of Jack Daniels.  But that's just me.

However, the sadvertising reader who contributed this piece offered this commentary:

"That dog is going to be in deep (doo), on several fronts. First, he dragged this dead bird inside on the nice white rug. Second, Jasmine's obviously in The Mood For Love, since she has her lacy see-my-(breasts) top on. Notice how ticked she looks that this mutt is interrupting her romantic evening. And it must be evening since there's a nice fire in the fireplace. So where did the dead bird come from? Last I checked, you can't shoot them at night. Maybe Bob was one rooster over the limit so he chucked this one in the ditch on the way home earlier in the day, and now Ol' Brainless goes and sniffs the damn thing up and brings it back."


(LOL! - thank you Sadvertising Reader who professes to be a rabid hunter with insistence upon excellent outdoor gear, taste in fine women and hunting with dogs who know better than to bring dead game into a house).

Hey babe. Nice femur.

The screenshot above is from today's GAP home page.  It features a guy who looks like he just left a pool bar at 2am and...

(sweet jimminy)

...a dead chick.  There's no way she survived the photo shoot - that grin on her face cost about 10 calories and I'm figuring she was down to her last 9.

And the Photoshop is pathetic, sculpting her "legs" into something akin to antennae from a Martian spacecraft.

"GAP"?  Heck yeah. If she squeezed her butt cheeks together, they wouldn't hold a packing peanut.

Maybe I'm biased because I remember the sound of all the machines "that went ping" while my sister was hospitalized for bulimia.  But 'round here, that ain't no woman, it's a corpse.

Oh well.  You know the starving - they work cheap.

Alas, poor Microsoft.

WARNING:  Do not be deceived by the NPR-level haughtiness hereby offered.  Just because it involves esoteric (and perhaps pithy, ne erudite) critique of corporate giant Microsoft's clumsy communique, doesn't mean it ain't useful to us reg'lr folks.

The series above is from a sadvertising reader - it's from a web-mercial promoting Microsoft's new flight simulator, "Flight."

Describing the video - a series of text screens fade-in/out over passing of clouds; the lines are simple, profound - meant to be read a'la Morgan Freeman.  The effect?  Magical.  Sensory - one can almost feel as if one is flying!  At the end, the viewer is struck by anticipation, reeling in the promised WONDER.

Nothing sets the tone like Shakespeare.  Eh?  Pour the Bordeaux into the Riedel - spread the Camembert, we're going deep...

And now begins the legendary hooey from Microsoft's marketing department.

"There's this line from Shakespeare..."

Oh geez.  As soon as someone states that, the pretension starts to bubble like gas from canned chili.

"My soul is in the sky."

Oh geez x 2.  The line isn't from "Shakespeare" - it's from his play, "A Midsummer Night's Dream."  You knew that right?

"You know the feeling."

Sweet jimminy.  I hope not.  Because the line is uttered after one of the main characters STABS HIMSELF and then utters, "Now die, die, die, die, die."

Of course your "Soul is in the sky."  You're dead, silly.

Time out.  Yeah, yeah, only one out a million know anything about AMND at all.  So why dredge up the arcane and throw yet another rock at the mighty tower of Microsoft's marketing department?  Because this screen was sent to me by a Sadvertising reader who found it on an aviation blog frequented by - you guessed it - flight sim users!

It looks as if Microsloth simply "googled" (or Bing'd?) quotes on flying, found one, looked at the clock, saw it was 4:15pm on a Friday and got'er done.  I'd expect this kind of sloppiness from someone like me, but Microsoft?!

Beware copywriters - there may be Shakespeareans among your target market.  In the meantime, Microsoft would have better quoted Poe.  He would have appreciated "Blue screen of death."

Something for the Search Engines...

Actually, a fantastic stack of Sadvertising is within spitting range right now, but it's going to be a few days before it can be posted.

So, in order to keep my Google rankings higher than roast-beef flavored toothpaste, have a watch of this genius monstrosity.