Oh! So they're a PROFIT DEAL!

The graphic above is a scan of a direct mail card for the "Apple Tree Children's Centers" in South Dakota.

The copy invites us to "...come see why your friends and neighbors choose Apple Tree..." and goes on to offer us $10 for "ice cream treats" after we've taken a tour.

"Ten bucks?!" you exclaim!

Sweet jimminy - if the Apple Tree folk are right, $10 is just the beginning because - and this comes from the first line of copy - "Your children are your most valuable investment."

(time machine way-back sfx) dooodleoodledoodleoodle

I remember when our first came into the world - looking at that squigling, wriggling bundle of cells, the first tender cry, bewildered eyes, tiny clenched fists... but I don't remember, "Honey! We have an investment!"

I could be wrong in my cynicism. Look at the success of the Lohans, the Spears and the Jacksons. They made gajillions! Obviously, their investment paid off.

"Honey, how did Suzie do today?"

"Well, she's up two and quarter, but overall down from yesterday's high of fifteen."

"Dangit! I'm not pumping another dime of ice cream into that investment until it turns around!"

"Maybe we diversify and get a dog?"

Power to the People.

Short story - United Airlines broke his guitar, he had witnesses...

and got a middle-management runaround resulting in nothing.

This guy is could be the Che Guevara of the airline industry.

He's also a brilliant marketer.

Invasion of the Bubble People

The graphic above is a screenshot of the Purell hand sanitzer's website.

Of course, you notice the little guy with the booger blow. Having a bit of experience with situations as shown, I know what comes next - wiping of the goopy hands on pants and hair, then spilling of the milk and holding up arms for a hug.

Kids can be gross.

But snotty children don't qualify as "sadvertising" - Purell's crappy slogan does. "Imagine a Touchable World."

Say it again - "Imagine. A. Touchable. World."

Well, it's come to this - we're now a creation of phobes, so imprisoned by our fears that our best life comes from imagining existence without filth. Especially the skin burning, plague inducing, lethal boogers of little kids.

Child to Parent (speaking through a hermetically sealed glass partition): "Mommy? What was life like before we became safely sealed in our Purell® tanks?"

Parent to Child: "Well dear, we were surrounded by things. Horrible, untouchable things!"

Sweet Jimminy...and then, Pfizer (Purell's mothership) has the gall to give us 99 reasons to use their deadly goo. Click this post's headline for the whole list - don't miss #53 medicine balls (they're dripping with irony, you know) Or #81 school bus seats...yeah, that'll work - slather cooling, fuming Purell on our kids' pants.

And #96 - tickets. A friend of was given tickets to see Celine Dion...and threw up. I guess he didn't use enough Purell. Thank you, Purell. Next school carnival, we'll just carry a bucket of Purell® to splash the kids when they win big at ring-toss.

This type of goofy fear-baiting is the real filth here.

Interesting fact: Pfizer® manufactures Sinequan®, a drug used to treat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Brilliant, actually.

Hmmm. Right now, I'm imagining a world that embraces OCD as a natural talent and the Chosen Ones can be productive in society, keeping our tickets and medicine balls squeeky clean.

Microsuck.

Microsoft won't really be serious about bringing truly clever advertising until it incorporates the "pull-my-finger-while-I-fart" joke into a campaign.

That'd REALLY be great.

Anyway, nice job, Apple. Great spot.